


Dangerous Thoughts.

by CarnationTakia



Category: Nectar - Joji (Album)
Genre: 88rising - Freeform, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angsty Schmoop, Drunk Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fanfiction, Filthy Frank - Freeform, How Do I Tag, Joji/reader - Freeform, One-Sided Attraction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Slight trigger warnings, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, Therapist/Client - Freeform, Unreliable Narrator, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Lust, YouTube, joji - Freeform, joji is pure angst, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarnationTakia/pseuds/CarnationTakia
Summary: 'A desire for someone you can't have never drove you this crazy.'
Relationships: George "Joji" Miller/You
Comments: 18
Kudos: 22





	1. City Lights.

**Author's Note:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing slowly improves, please don't leave :,)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing slowly improves, please don't leave :,)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**_> I fell for your magic, I tasted your skin.<_ **

**. . . .**

"I think that concludes our session for today Ms. Steels, I believe you have another appointment next Thursday?" Your pen hit against your clipboard almost rhythmically. 

Your eyes gazed back up, adjusting to the old women that began to slip on her beige fur coat. "That's correct, I'll be here again at 4:45pm." She stated, adjusting her glasses, you smiled, nodding your head, while taking a sip from your mug, the hazelnut creamed coffee flourishing your mouth in sweetness. "4:45pm it is. Until then Ms.Steels, have a good afternoon, please make sure to fill in the daily updates in that notepad for next week." "Understood, take care of yourself Dear."

The door creaked open, and shut. You were alone again, a tired breath heaving your slightly chapped lips. Looking up at the clock that was sat above the front door lazily it read, 5:57pm. You left this place in another 3 hours which made you sigh in relief you rolled your shoulders back and lean into the plush chair.

It's not that you hated your job, if anything, you enjoyed it, you worked hard for it, but hearing and reading some of these traumatic experiences that your clients go through made your heart sink and wish you could have picked something less...dark. Yet, you knew this was what you signed yourself up for, and you had no right to complain, you were living a well paying, single, life as a therapist. You preferred it this way, at least that's what you continue to tell yourself.

Another sip from your hazelnut coffee that had gone cold from your recent session, usually each client has a one to two hour session, thirty minutes extra _if_ needed. Ms. Steels however- she tended to ramble off a lot and it was quite difficult to get her back on track with the situation regarding her and her husband. Ms. Steels was a kind old lady, she brought you snacks every now and then, she was like a grandma you would meet every week for a good two to three hours. You got up from your seat and went over to the staff room to warm up your beverage. On your way there you had bumped into your Boss.

"Afternoon, L/n." Her low voice oh so sturn sent shivers down your spine. You flashed her a quick smile.

"Morning Ms. How are you?" _If I seem interested in her life, I'll get on her good side._

"I'm doing quite well, thank you for asking. The paperwork for the Agency has been piling a lot recently due to the new clients that are coming in. The staff might have extended hours-"

_What?_

"New clients are coming in. Which means that you and the other staff will have extended hours. You'll be paid of course." She went on, looking through the paper stack in her grasp. "Once I complete this paper work I can give you the forms of the new Clients for next month. I have to get back to signing these off- bye now." She left without another second to waste. "Bye..." You mumble back, knowing that she couldn't hear you considering that she was meters away. Another sigh left your lips, you were going to have to work until 10pm most likely, maybe even more. It wasn't a problem- at least you hope it wouldn't be. 

The continuous 'beeps' from the microwave alerted your attention, you shut off your phone slipping it back into your pocket, opening the door, you grabbed your hot mug. "Ah, I think two minutes was a bit too much." You hissed in pain as your fingers came in contact with the burning cup. "Y/n?" You turn around to see the secretary that worked at the front desk. "Anastasia...hey, did you want a cup of coffee?" You asked, searching for a coaster. "No, I'm fine thank you. I'm just gonna grab a fruit bowl." You nodded, paying half attention to her words. 

The fridge opened. "Did you hear about the new clients?" She asked, her head dug into the fridge. 

You let out an audible groan, "Ugh, don't remind me. I'm stuck with Ms. Steels and Mr. Oans- you know how they are." You could practically hear the sympathy in Anastasia's tone. "Oooh, that sucks. You shouldn't worry though." She popped back up with a mixed fruit bowl in her hand. Looking back at you she shut the fridge door, "I heard we're getting younger clients." You sighed once more, "Still gonna be adults, or children, and children are difficult to work with because most of us in this department are trained for adults and up."

"It won't be children...hopefully in this department. We'll have Clients that are 20 and up. They're our age, it shouldn't be a problem." She stated, you went to say something against it but nothing came to mind. She might be right, you were only 26, having clients your age might be easy to work with. "How are you getting this much info?"

Anastasia chuckled, grabbing a fork and walking to the exit, shooting you a wink. "I'm the secretary." She vanished just like that. You scoffed, shaking your head taking a sip of your coffee. 

_Of course you are._

. . . .

Your shift was nearing it's end as you waved goodbye to the last client. You had a mere 30 minutes to pack up and have your office cleaned. You began to do just that, placing papers in their respected folders and slipping them into the drawers or upon the shelves. You placed the pens and pencils back into the case holder, fluffed up the pillows and blankets, folding the duvets placing them into the cupboard near the shelves. You went over to the window, hand near the blinds, you watched as the moon shined over the city, glowing city lights and flashing cars drove by. The place looked serene, odd to say about New York City.

Pulling on the rod, the view was quickly covered by the dark maroon colored blinds. A yawn left your mouth as you stretched, taking a glance at your watch you were able to make out with tired eyes that it was 8:47pm. You shuffled to your bag and finally packed up the last few things, leaving and locking your office door. Your heels clicked down the hallway and made a right, there you saw Anastasia typing away on her computer behind the front desk. "Bye Ana!" She looked up, her face changing from focused to calm. "Bye Y/n! Get home safe please!"

"You too."

You hopped into your car, driving off to your house. The faint beats from the radio eased your mind knowing you would be going home to get a good night's rest. Yet you couldn't help but feel as if something were missing. You didn't have anyone to greet once you had gotten home, you didn't have a pet, a boyfriend, husband- you name it. You were alone.

_How long has it been like this? Going home to no one but an empty bed and full cup of wine?... Hell- I can't even remember._

The street lights turned a bright shade of red. You pushed onto the brakes as the car slowly came into a halt. Your eyes were half lidded, you chewed on your bottom lip as your fingers tap onto the steering wheel. Your leg jumping to match the pace of your fingers. 

The light turned green. You were driving off as normal.

The minute you had reached home, you stripped from your clothes and went to change into comfy loose pajamas. Your hair was left out loose, and you had went to your bathroom to wash up. When you trudged back downstairs you could feel your stomach growl, turning to the fridge there were only left overs from take outs. You went over to your cabinets and found the box of instant noodle cups, filling that with water you left to the living room and rested on the couch.

Switching on the TV letting the first thing that seemed interesting stream.

This was getting old. You wanted someone to be here with you, but with the schedule you have and hours you worked there would be barely any time to spend, furthermore, you could never find someone in New York that was right for you. Most relationships ended in less than 2 months, the shortest you've had was 1 week, and the rest were toxic. You had only been with three guys in your past life, one being too scared and backing out last minute, the other toxic and manipulative, only wanting you for your cash. 

The last one? he cheated, with three different girls, you would be mad, but what else did you expect from pussy-hungry men? They only wanted one or the other from women, sex or money- and if you couldn't give either...

You were nothing.

Although you wish you had someone to come home to, you weren't sure if you were one hundred percent okay with the idea. _It was an impulsive feeling, everyone's felt like this at some point, right?_

Once again, the beep from the microwave had startled you out of your thoughts. You got up and went over to get some chopsticks and a fork and began to feast. Slurping on your microwaved ramen tiredly whilst your eyes bored into the TV screen, you began to think about when things will be different.

_If_ they ever will. You didn't know, but you were zipping back and forth on whether or not you cared. Maybe you did, but maybe you just craved the thought of having someone all to yourself. You weren't sure. You took another long slurp of the ramen bundle you had grabbed a hold of with your utensil, letting some of the soup drip off and some stain your chin, wiping it off with your thumb and rubbing it off on your pants. The show was beginning to uninterest you. You shut it off, and drank the rest of the leftover meal. Tossing the rest cup into a trash can and throwing the utensils into the sink, with the plan of doing the dishes tomorrow, you trudged upstairs and head to bed.

Knowing that there will be another day of a ten hour or more work shift tomorrow biting at the back of your skull.


	2. Sessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing improves, please don't leave. :,)
> 
> Trigger Warning; in this chapter there are mentions of the word "Self Harm, Eating Disorders, and Child Abuse."

_**> And though this is tragic, at least I found the end.<** _

**. . . .**

The harsh crisp wind send shivers down your body as you exited you car. Another day at work, it's only been a few weeks and winter is around the corner. Your breath let out white foggy clouds, you huffed up the stairs with shivering legs, rushing to swipe your card to gain access inside. As you heard the beep of the door, you rushed in to see Anastasia talking to a client at the front desk. You entered your office, setting your stuff down and getting your paperwork ready.

A good 20 minutes had passed and you were ready for the first client to come in, you heard a knock at the door, fixing your sitting position, "Come in!" You call out, your boss had opened the door "Ms...good morning." You forced a grin, she smiled back, "Morning L/n. I came here to drop off some of your new client's forms. Read and fill in a few of these for me?, it'll give you general idea of each client." She placed the paper work on your table and greeted herself out. "but-"

The door had already shut.

You let out a huff, some strands of your hair flying upwards and falling in front of your face. You eyed the pile of forms, there seemed to be five or seven. You grabbed them, looking through each carefully, leaning back into your office chair. 

_'Sasha Brown, 19 years old, it's her first time here but she's been to other agencies. She'll be here on every...Wednesday.'_

You flipped through the pages, learning a bit about her backstory from the other agencies records.

_'Child abuse...drunk father...divorced couple...mother moved away...grew up with a foster-family.'_

The next two clients had similar back stories, you flipped to the next person.

_'Takayan Yuri, 22 years old, was moved to this agency for more required help. She'll be here every...Monday.'_

_'Self harm from grade 5 to 10. Agency doesn't know if she has stopped. Eating disorder, Anxiety Attacks and Social Anxiety "...Depressive episodes...jesus from grade 5?'_

You flipped through the forms and came to the fifth one, the last one. 

_'George Miller, 26 years old, he will be here every Friday.'_

_'This will be his first visit.'_

**There is no background for this client.**

"Huh." you flip through the pages, to see blanks, you assumed that that's where you would have to fill out his session records.

You've had a couple new clients at the agency, but that was on a rare occasion. The agency you worked for was basically the head of all other smaller agencies. Anyone who needed more professional help would be sent to the higher ranked areas, just like yours. You signed your name under the forms. Keeping George's form on top of all the others. Sitting back you waited. For anything really. 

A knock on the door could be heard, "Come in!" You expected it to be your boss but it was a young women, coconut tanned skin, brown hazelnut eyes, and dark brown ambre hair then went down to a dark blonde. Quickly putting on a smile on you greeted her. "Hey, what's your name?" She flinched looking at you with doey eyes. "O-Oh I'm T-Takayan...I'm here for...Ms. Y/n? O-Or was it...L/n..." You chuckled softly, "Either or is fine, come sit down sweetie. Let's talk." She nodded slowly and shuffled in.

A good two hours of talking with Takayan made both you and her feel comfortable in each other's presence. You came to understand her youthful mind quite well which she seemed to be pretty opened about. After she had left you waited for the rest of the clients to make their way into the office.

**. . . .**

It was the same as everyday at work, the last client had left. You were left once again in your office, writing away with a half empty ink pen, shaking it occasionally to get some ink out of it. Signing files were a huge part in your job, it took a good two to three hours out of your day, once again you weren't complaining. Just stating the things that drained the life out of you.

Another knock at your door. 

"Come in." You called out, signing off, yet another paper. 

"I brought some coffee and donuts!" Anastasia announced, waltzing in, holding the door with her feet. She managed to slip through and placed the box on the coffee table. "Aren't you on break?" She asked, opening the box and taking out a jelly donut. "Sandra said she needed these file packets to be signed off by tonight so she can place them away and make space for the new Clients." You stated, eyes reading over the same passage for what seemed like the millionth time.

"Ah, sounds fun."

You scoff. "Tell me about it."

Anastasia took a bite out of her donut. "Have you gotten a chance to look through the other forms for next week?" She asked, wiping her mouth, "Oh, yeah, I did. I got a good bunch, I met a few of them this week just for introductory. Other than that I have 3 more Clients scheduled in for next week." "How's that going for ya?" She handed your your coffee brew. "They went well, I've dealt with similar background reads, but one."

"One?" She asked, watching you take a sip.

"He didn't have any history with any agencies. He was just put in to this one."

"Huh, that's new. Usually it's a build up from agency to agency. Maybe it's important. What do you think it is?" Anastasia questioned, munching away on a donut. You got up and grabbed one for yourself.

"He's 26, I can't assume that's child abuse, maybe drug addiction, depression, anxiety?-"

"Relationship Issues?" She inquired. Your eyebrows raised.

"Huh, I didn't think of that, you might be right, even so, I'm sure there is a smaller agency to help with situations like that." "But we take in elders, take Ms.Steels for example." Anastasia stated, looking through the files you had signed. "Ms. Steels issue is different though, she..." You trailed off, trying to think of a point. "See? It's no issue you haven't dealt with before. Don't worry Y/n." Anastasia had gotten up, taking a few of the signed files with her. She patted your shoulder.

"Anyways, I need to head back, I took some of these off your shoulder. I'll hand them over to Sandra right away." She walked over to the door.

"Keep the donuts!" She said before leaving, your hands clutched at the warm drink in grasp. The conversation felt unfinished, but maybe that was for you to piece together once Friday had came. You took another glance at the callander that stood proudly on your desk. It was Thursday, December 18th. Christmas being right around the corner.

A relieved sigh left your lips, you could finally take a long break without worry about unfinished files and signed papers. You needed a break, possibly even deserved one. You were hard working after all.

You turned on a soft lofi beat playlist on your monitor as you typed away on previous folders and paperwork. If Christmas was coming, work days would be a bit slower, would that mean you would leave early? _Did it really matter though? I wouldn't have anyone to come home to. That is, family of course._ You sat there reminiscing on memories that never existed to begin with. Although you had that empty feeling of no one to come home to, you knew that you had a family to go to, and friends. Or- friend of that matter. 

Another sip from your hot brewed beverage and you were back to typing away on the keyboard. The soft beat helping you focus on your work and helped the time pass by quickly. A good hour had passed by and your gave in the needed work and docs to be handed in before deadline. Remembering how your Boss, Sandra, reacted to one coworker when the files were a day late. Shivers ran down your spine.

You turned off your monitor and began to do your daily packing and cleaning before signing off and heading home.

"Night Ana!" 

"Night Love!"

**. . . .**

You woke up early the next morning, the sky painted in a navy waterworks. Dark amonys clouds flourishing the sky and the half moon shining ever so brightly. These were morning you hated waking up to but enjoyed the scenery of. A quick run to the shower and you were out, drying and moisturizing. Slipping on your work outfit, grey dress pants with mini black plaid designing, a comfy cotton black turtleneck, and of course, your sun tanned blazer to top it off. Your makeup also played a big part, but not as much as the necklaces and or earrings you chose to wear.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, adjusting your coat, your eyes looked exceedingly enervated. It was too early for you to munch or even drink anything, you gagged looking at food early in the morning, usually waiting till around 11am-1pm to finally have something to eat. You grabbed your keys and headed off to work.

After greeting Sandra and a few other early new comers you slipped into your office and relaxed into the couch. The paper's of each new coming Client laid on your coffee table in a neat manner, George's file on the top, you grabbed it, reading through it once more.

_'George Miller, 26 years old, he will be here every Friday.'_

_'This will be his first visit.'_

**There is no background for this client.**

'Scheduled session times; 9am-10am, 10:30am _if_ needed.'

"Gotchu." You mumble to yourself. You met George in less than 3 hours, you were quite curious as to how this session would play out.

You were curious to know about him in general.

It wasn't odd, he had no background of any sort to depict from- it was only natural to know about someone so mysterious. Your leg bounced anxious about the first session, _was this normal? A Therapist feeling anxious? Was it even professional? Maybe I should... Y_ ou lifted your arm to look at your wrist watch. You didn't have any work to do, and you didn't have any expecting clients at the moment. _A nap wouldn't hurt._

You felt light headed, the minute you leaned back into the plush couch, your muscles relaxed and your eyes fell heavy. The world around you slowly faded. 

You were alarmed at the sudden loud knocks from your office door, flinching awake you checked your watch, 9:10am, _fuck, I slept in more than expected._ Youhad almost tripped on your footing as you rushed to the door, opening it. "Ah, good morning!" your head was down, trying to adjust your scarf that was loosely draped around your shoulders. "I'm sorry- did you wait long-?" You looked up, your eyes adjusting to the well dressed male in front of you, he had a dress shirt and black jeans, the collar loosely opened and... his face.

His face is what caught your attention. Tired almond eyes, large dark maroon ish eyebags visible under them, well groomed coal colored hair, brushed to a side, and a small stubble around his pink plump lips. He gave you a smile. "Oh, I think I was the one who was pretty late, sorry about that." He apologized, your moved to the side eyes still on his rather tall and slim figure. You shook your head.

"It's no problem, it's your first session after all. I won't hold it against you." He chuckled.

You sat down, across from him as he got comfy on the other cushion, "Feel free to lay down, whatever is comfortable for you." You told him, he nodded, placing his phone down on the table between you two. 

"Let's start with the introductory. I'm Y/n L/n. You are?"

"George Miller."

You scribbled away on your clipboard.

"I see you've dressed formally for this session" You pointed out, in a light hearted manner, the male seemed puzzled, he looked at his dress shirt. "Is it too much?" He asked insecurity washing over him swiftly, going over to button up his collar.

"No!...no you're fine." He retracted his hands and let his hand fall to his lap heavily. "I usually tell clients that they should treat a session as if they were talking to a friend about their problems, meaning in they can wear something comfortable if needed since the usual clients come for an hour or two." You explained, George nodded looking around the office.

"I was worried there for a minute, but I'll keep a mental note for that next time."

You both went on about questions regarding his back story and just a general based idea on him.

"What made you want to seek a therapist?" You ask, he had a pillow clutched in his arms as he leaned back. "Well- I've been dealing with some shit...mentally and uh just in general. I've been feeling stressed these past couple of weeks."

"Do you have a job?" You continued scribbling away.

"Yeah, I used to uh..." He trailed off, you looked back up at him, George seemed shy, he didn't give any eye contact as the other clients when he spoke with you. You figured it was because this was his first session.

"It's a bit cringey-" "I don't judge Mr. Miller, you can be open as much as you want. I'm simply here to listen, give you advice and help you. So spill." You leaned in further, trying to look captivated into his life story, not that you weren't already extremely curious to know about him anyways, he softened up. "I- used to do uhm...Youtube?" He confessed, you arched an eyebrow, "Like...gaming?" "No, no, more like...uh how do I put this? Comediac vlogging?" You shook your head, in attempt to understand him, you weren't a Youtube kinda person but you knew of Vloggers and such.

"Interesting, how long did you do that for?"

"About, 6 years? I stopped that persona of me a few months back."

"Persona?" You asked.

"I played a few made up characters and people really enjoyed it. Yet- It was getting really stressful to post videos almost every week." He explained, seeming to come off a bit distressed. Your eyebrows scrunched together as you listened closely to him.

"Let's talk more about that." You insisted, leaning back knowing this is gonna be a long session.

But this time, it didn't irk you as much, maybe because he was new. You didn't bother to think much into it. 


	3. Bold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing slowly improves, please don't leave :,)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

_**> I witness your madness, you shed light on my sins.<** _

_**. . .** _

"I just couldn't handle the pressure of posting, on top of that making sure all 7 million of my fans were enjoying the shitty content I was putting out. It felt so...depressing and just-" George laid on the sofa, head resting against the arm of the couch, his hands fumbling with a fidget toy you had given him. You wrote away on your clipboard, making sure to take in notes of everything he said.

_'Client is in clear stress from past job. Stress had led him to mild brain seizures, takes prescribed pill medication, felt pressured about posting content, setting high expectations for himself that are difficult to reach at the moment.'_

"How many times do you take the prescribed medication?" You questioned once again, leg bouncing on a rhythmic beat. He turned over to face you, you averted your eyes back to your clipboard. "Twice a day, 3 times a week." 

"I know you're an adult, and just for protective measures, I still need to ask-" You began. Shifting in your seat, you could feel his gaze on you, "Yeah?"

"Usually, when someone is in high stress and even experiencing states of depression. They tend to y'know...feel numb, and tend to deal with that numbness in many ways, in most cases- leads to...death. My concern is, have you ever-" He scoffed, "If you're worried about me thinking about suicide, you don't need to worry. I won't overdose or anything." The male cut you off, his voice seemed a bit taken back on what he thought came off as an accusation.

You fell silent, nodding slowly, going back to writing. It was hushed for a few moments, until you heard George sit up and fix himself. 

"Ah- I'm sorry Ms. L/n, I didn't mean to come off as-" "No it's fine, you've been dealing with a lot, and it's probably been bottling up for a while. This is your first time seeing a therapist, yes?" George nodded. 

"We'll, I'm glad I could be your first."

_Oh fuck-_

Your kind smile dropped instantly, you were tempted to cover your face with the clipboard in hand. George laughed, his eyes slitting into grins themselves. You felt even more embarrassed but glad you were able to make him laugh. It was cute, a squeaky contagious laugh. Goofy.

His eyebrows wiggled and he shot you a mischievous smirk, his tongue rolling inside his cheek, it was oddly attractive, especially in his attire and messy hair. 

"I'm sure you are." He replied, almost as if taunting you. You roll your eyes, the tips of your ears burning and your face as well. 

"Aha- I'm sorry that didn't quite come out as I wanted it to. God, this is so unprofessional, I apologize." You looked away, anywhere but him, this was humiliating in itself, you needed to change the subject. "Uhm, you never told me your new job! Let's-T-Tell me about that." _Why the fuck am I stuttering now?_

"You're right, well..." He began.

"I've always had a passion for music. I've written a few songs here and there."

"Is that so?"

"During my uh...Youtube career, I made music on the side. Family members and friends were actually pushing me to get into the music industry and the minute I left and focused on that passion, I never felt happier. Some say I left at the right time. When I look back at the whole Youtube thing, I realized it was a waste of time towards the end." His eyes lit up as he talked about his passion and love for music. You were sure to note that down.

"Do you fear that your Youtube fans won't accept your decision?" 

"Well, it's been a fear for a while, I guess that's why I continued pushing myself to make videos towards the end. It's still new to them, and I hope they learn to accept it at some point. They will, I know they will." He had hope, that's what caught your eyes. His character was different, it was unique.

"You should sing for me sometime then." You said jokingly, making sure to giggle at the end, but he seemed serious. "I'll keep that in mind. If I ever go on tour, I'll be sure to give you some VIP Tickets." He winked, you both shared a humble laugh in the quite comforting silence. "VIP Tickets Mr. Miller? That's quite bold of you, we just met." 

"I believe you were the one who came off bold first, Ms. L/n." 

_Ah, a game of teasing._

_This was new._

You checked the time. It was 10:55, "Oh crap, the next client is gonna be here in five minutes!" You rushed to get the other forms ready. "Oh shit, did I get us talking overtime? I'm sorr-" "No! No need to apologize Mr. Miller. This was an introductory session after all. You don't need to feel obliged into feeling guilty." You reassured, while switching the forms out with the next clients. "I'm glad you were comfortable enough to open up to me about all this, especially this being your first session."

He beamed shyly. "Thank you. You're quite chill to talk to Ms. L/n. I appreciate that. Thank you."

You felt an unfamiliar tug at your throat and chest. "You're flustering me!" You giggled shaking your head. He slipped on his jacket while laughing along. 

"And please- call me Y/n. I usually have younger and elders call me by my last name." He nodded his head, understanding and looking proud, he zipped up his jacket while you stood up and walked over to him, going over to open the door. "If that's the case, feel free to call me Joji."

"Joji?"

"In Japan, the Japanese name for 'George' is Joji. Also...you'll need to call me that when you get tickets to my concert." Another wink. God, you probably looked lost as hell. No one had ever acted this way in sessions, or even relationships. Not that relationships accounted to this situation. Or this man. But you didn't know enough about him, he was a client after all. 

_It's an **impulsive feeling**._

_**A Dangerous Thought.** _

_He's nothing more than a **Client**._

"I feel honored. Thank you, Joji. I'll see you next Friday." You opened to door, he thanked you once more, "Until then, Y/n." and like that he left. You shut the door, a useless unintentional grin on your face, you sat down and smacked yourself with the clipboard a few times. "This is so stupid!" You yelled at yourself. You had been so caught up in yelling at yourself that you didn't hear the door open creak open.

"U-Uhm...Ms. L/n?" 

You freeze.

"O-OH! Daisy! Hello- I-I was just- ah, come in!" You greeted the young women, she seemed hesitant but slipped in, hanging her coat behind the door and sitting across from you.

"Are you okay-"

"Uh- I-...don't worry about that. Let's just get started." You stammered out.

"O-Okay."

**. . . .**

"So~" Anastasia sang as she kicked her feet onto your office coffee table. "Tell me the tea with Mr. Client Boy" You looked back at her, shaking your head and rolling your eyes while fluffing the pillows. "The client's personal information isn't for your amusement, Ana." She hummed while playing with the fidget toys on your desk. "Hmm, I would've known the basics of his life at some point through file set up, but that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you-"

"Is he hot?" She asked out of the blue, leaning forward, hands holding her chin up as she had her elbows on the wooden desk. "Ana!-" "Is he cute? Does he smell good? How did he dress? His hair was long and messy so that means he's gotta be good in bed-" "No! I- Huh?!" Totally caught off guard by Anastasia's remarks, you tossed a pillow at her face, she was lucky enough to duck under it though. "Come onnnn give me the details! He had a goofy grin on his cute face! Tell me what happened!~" She whined, you looked over to her, her melanin face all bright and curious.

"We just talked, it was those intro session things. He told me about his past job and stuff- as well as his passion for music."

"Ouuu Mr. Client Boy is a singer, I see~" She wiggled her eyebrows. 

"He seemed to be really stressed and sad, but he still has so much that he hasn't opened up about. I want to help him with that." You confessed, hugging the pillow George, no, _Joji_ had clutched tightly as his session took place. You remembered the way he thanked you for being there to talk to. The way he told you that you were comforting enough to be around.

"Huh, I knew he was cute and all but I never expected this." Anastasia commented. You turned around, confused. "What do you mean-" "Anyways! If he's pursuing in music, he should have some songs out somewhere." The melanin girl turned on your monitor, clicking and typing away. "What are you-" "Shush! Just let me do the work." She began typing away, "What's his name?" She asked, doey eyes staring at the screen.

"What? Why-"

"Just tell me!"

"No! I can't just-"

"Aha!" She pulled a bunch of papers from your first drawer. You mentally face palmed, _should've hid them better god fucking damn-_

"George....Miller-found it!" She pressed enter and began scrolling away, eyes scanning over the monitor screen. 

"I wasn't a part of this. It's invasion on privacy Ana!"

"If it's on the internet it's not invasion of privacy, Y/n!" Anastasia retroted.

You roll your eyes and let out a huff, not wanting to be a part of whatever Anastasia's detective work was. Although, she did have a point. Yet, something just didn't feel right, if George hadn't gone in depth with his music career or even Youtube career with you, it didn't seem right snooping around.

"Hmm, he has a lot of songs here. J..Jow-Ji? Is that his name?" Anastasia's failed attempt at pronouncing his name irked you. "It's Joji, and you should be getting back to work Anastasia, this isn't right. It's weird."

"We're just listening to the man's music Y/n. Chill out." She replied, you scoffed. "I-Chill? I'm totally chill!" You didn't bother arguing back with the young Secretary knowing that it would only encourage her irrational behavior even more, you went to your couch and table cleaning off the furniture. As you did so, you heard Anastasia talk to herself and then a click from the computer mouse. "Let's take a little listen to a few of his classics. A new album came out in October."

In an instant, she turned up the bluetooth speakers connected to your computer. The quiet room was filled with a loud bass beat all the background instrumentals giving you a odd sad nostalgic vibe. That's when the vocals came in.

_"I don't want a friend... I want my life in two. Waiting to get there... waiting for you."_

George's voice, it was extremely different from his normal voice, it was smoother, softer, and slower. It matched the beat, tempo, melody, and overall whole song in general. You found your hips swaying to the beat as you wiped the table.

_"When I'm around slow dancing in the dark, don't follow me you'll end up in my arms..."_

_"You done made up your mind, I don't need no more signs, can you?"_

_woah._

"Can you?-" That's when the chorus had hit you. 

_"Give me reasons we should be complete, you should be with him I can't compete."_

"Holy shit this is good!" You heard Anastasia cheer faintly, it was muffled from the loud beat and stunning vocals of George.

_"You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well. Can't you see?"_

You froze in place as the next verse hit you as if you were standing in the dark, alone in a beach, watching as the large cold wave rush at you at full force, it could be the death of you but it seemed so beautiful flourishing in the illuminated moonlight. 

_"I don't wanna slow dance, in the dark! Dark!"_

The long highnote, raspy voice singing loudly and confidently, the emotion, it was all so much. It had left you star struck, shivers ran down your spine as the beat fell and the next verse continued. This feeling repeated as well as Anastasia's occasional commentary while the song played in the background. You didn't understand what this overwhelming feeling was as his songs played. His voice captivating your ears, the beats and bass boosts vibrating your entire body, and the gloomy yet sexual evocative feeling all hitting you at once made you shake in your current stance

You both listened in on a few more songs on the 'Ballads 1' album and an older EP entitled, 'In Tongues'. You both could agree that you have many favourites and Anastasia was sure to add them to her playlist. The last song fell silent, you turned around and saw your Secretary best friend lowering the volume and clicking off the tab. "Welp, it's closing time, we had a very long break and no interuptions, but I really think both you and I have to head home." She got off your chair and typed away on her phone

You looked at her, displeased and poked your inner cheek with your tongue. "You mean you have a date with Angel?" She seemed taken back, "I- Well- Y'know what I ain't gonna lie, yes, I do." She went to open the door. "Someone's gotta take care of this fabulous pussy, and it for sure as hell ain't gonna be you so, nighty night!" She slipped through door, shutting it on her way out. You sneered, "She's too much sometimes." You whisper lowly to yourself, picking up after her mess.

_'Note to self; don't keep your snack stash in your desk.'_


	4. Slow Dancing In The Dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing improves, please don't leave. :,)

**_> And if we share in this sadness, then where have you been?<_ **

. . . 

"Are you singing one of my songs?"

"What?" You perked abruptly stopping the quiet humming, shooting your head up to see the half japanese male staring at you with a side smirk, intrigued by what he's just discovered.

"I wasn't- well-"

"Are you a secret fan or something?" He asked once more, leaning in to come off as intimidating. "I've only heard a few songs, you're really talented." You retaliated which seemed to catch him off guard, he leaned back into the couch and let out a hearty chuckle. "Who knew my therapist would be a secret stan." You shake your head, "What can I say? They're catchy."

"Oh really? What do you like about them?" Suddenly, this felt like an interview.

You thought for a moment, how do you respond to such a question? _'I like your voice, it's slow and almost seductive!' 'The music videos, you look amazing!' 'You- you...-'_

"Hm, I guess I have to say the vibe it gives off. It's this sad but...seducing feeling almost..." You snapped your fingers trying think of the word. "Almost..."

" _Nostalgic_." You both said in unison, George nodded understanding your point of view.

"I totally agree, my goal was to make my music give off this depressing yet horny nostalgic vibe, y'know?" You nodded, taking notes of every word that left his mouth. "Sometimes you're alone at home, sad and horny so- I just want to give people something they can listen to during those...times." You raised an eyebrow, "I see." You flipped to another page on the clipboard, "What's your favorite song?" He questioned, gazing at you with doey eyes. Full of curiosity.

"That's a difficult question, maybe...Slow Dancing In The Dark, Attention, Demons, Plastic Taste, and Will He- honestly there's a lot I could name but that would take up the whole session." He seemed surprised. "Woah, you've listened to that many?" He asked, you nodded your head. "Of course, I had the albums and ep's playing in that background as I was cleaning up my office the other night."

"Anyways, shall we start?"

George nodded.

The session had gone on for about an hour. You were told to introduce the mental health topic and family trees. His past, how it affected him in a rather positive and or negative way. He sat there answering your questions with minor detail and you scribbled each note down for the next session. 

George had a pretty open life from what he was comfortable with sharing. He was born and raised in Osaka, Japan. He had a sister, and his parents with him, but even that he gave minimal information. You moved on to how his life was like in Japan. He told you that since he lived near the more secluded village like rice fields he learned to enjoy spending time alone. He enjoyed the water touching his fingertips and his bare baby toes digging into the muddy surface. He talked about the way the cool breeze would bring a relaxed smile to his face and the background noises of waves, wind, people, and overall just the world around him gave him a serene and evocated feel.

"I wanted to incorporate that into my music." George added, talking about certain songs and the inspiration for each one. How there were little easter eggs behind a few of them and how some of the base music elements had given off a similar vibe from back home.

It went on from him moving out and living alone in New York at the age of 18. He said that it was when his life took a turn for the best. He talked about getting into a collage and how it was like over there, he talked about how he felt, his roommates, and finally how he decided to do Youtube.

"I didn't think I was going to pursue in it or anything- I just posted dumb 1 minute or maybe even 3 minute videos of me just yelling and talking with shitty jump cuts and crappy editing but people really seemed to like it and find the humor funny. So, besides school I guess I had something to look forward to after it." He explained fumbling with the rings on his fingers, slipping them on and off onto other fingers or the same ones. You were sure to write that down.

_'Client seems to show social anxiety when talking to others. Fumbles, shifts, and shakes quite a lot.'_

"I think it's really interesting that you did all of that, even living by yourself at 18? Japan to America must've been quite a trip." You complimented, in attempt to make him feel comfortable. He gave you a bashful smile back, "Thanks, it wasn't that difficult since I went to a Canadian school in Japan, they taught english so luckily I knew enough to get around." "Your story so far is quite intriguing." You say once again with a dear smile. 

The session soon came to an end and you both sat there silently, as you write away and he took the time to look around the office.

"Are you doing anything for Christmas?" You asked out of the blue, he nodded his head. "I was planning to visit my family for a night or two. I still haven't gotten any presents though. Might need to get started on that." You hummed a reply. "What about you?" George asked, adjusting his earing on the right of his ear.

"Me?-- Well..." You started off. Your writing came to an abrupt halt.

_What am I doing? I usually don't do anything for Christmas._

"Uh- I actually don't have any plans. I'll probably buy some gifts for the staff at the Agency but other than that I don't really know. Maybe go home to a glass of wine and a netflix series?" You chuckle at the end. George nodded, a small frown on his face as he listened to you. "You don't have family?" He asked. You stayed silent for that question.

George seemed to understand the message and was quick to apologize. You shook him off and reassured him it was fine.

"Well, looks like my time is up. I'll see you after Christmas Y/n." He got up and grabbed his coat, you nodded once more and thanked him for visiting. "I'll see you soon, have a great holiday." "You too." You shut the door and stood there, hitting your head against the door.

"Ugh, this was weird." You groan out whilst repeatedly bonking your forehead on the wooden door. 

"Sorry!" You apologize hastily, crouching down with your five bags grabbing the other two that had fallen out of your grasp as you stepped off the escalator. 

The crowd of people behind you only scoffed while detouring around you and going off with their day. You grabbed the other two bags and looked around to find the nearest jewelry shop on the second floor, finding a good Christmas present for your Boss that you barely speak to couldn't have been more difficult. You looked around for clothes in other shops but nothing seemed to suit her or what could've been her taste. You didn't even know her size so if you had gotten a size too large or too small would've either offended her highly or make her feel extremely insecure.

Plus, you were looking to _keep_ your job not lose it to a stupid clothing size decision.

You waltzed into the pearl white floors and pink pastel walls of the Jewelry store. Glass cases displayed around the area with employees dressed on formal dresses and dress tops sat behind the displays helping a few customers with their order. 

"May I help you?" A young women queered, shifting over to you, her flashy smile, and genuine eyes looked all too surreal. She had a white slim dress with pearl earrings and a necklace to match. "Yes, I wanted to have a look around with your necklaces?" "Right this way, any specific ones?" Her tall heels clicked with each step onto the floors, somewhat satisfying. She raised her arm to resent that large aisles of necklace displays, organized from cheapest to most expensive, plain to coloured, singles to bundles. Your eyes shimmered over each one, carefully looking at all the encrusted jewels and emeralds wrapped around it's chains. Your eye fell towards the bundles in the middle. They averaged a wealthy amount of eighty to a hundred dollars.

With a store like this, it didn't seem sketchy or unnatural. 

You stopped at the rose gold themed necklace, the silver pattern went quite well with the rose gold coloured earrings and jewels that hugged the silver chain and matching dangling earrings. You stared at it for a while longer, contemplating a few times if it was a good choice. 

"Ah, you seem to take a liking to this one?" The worker questioned softly, now behind the display counter, leaning in slightly to see exact bundle. You looked up, "I suppose so, it does seem beautiful." You commented, she crouched down to the drawers behind the desk, picking out the exact bundle, she carefully placed it on the counter so you could get a better look at it.

It shined brightly in the white lights attached to the building's ceiling. Finally making the decision, you nodded.

You confirmed, "I'll take it." The worker flashed you one of her signature smiles and cashed you up.

"Great! Your total comes to $94.00 dollars, would you like it to be wrapped?" 

"Yes please."

The uncomfortable feeling of the rough wool cloth made you cringe as your fingers ran over the piece of clothing that hung aimlessly in the clothing store. Looking for a good Christmas gift for Anastasia wasn't as difficult as looking for one for Sandra. Anastasia was into clothing, specifically skirts or dresses, body fitting, skin tight, she was extremely confident in herself and you envied your friend for having such an amazing characteristic. She would change from dramatic to minimalistic, simplicity would play in her outfits time to time but it was hard to coordinate and bet on what she would wear the next day. 

You settled on just getting two outfits that would help ease the oncoming skull aching migraine that was easing its way into the front of your forehead and down to the sides of your head. 

You pulled up to the line up, holding the neon green tank top and white slacks as well as a dark maroon velvet slim-fit dress. You waited in line, seeing the good seven people also waiting to get cashed up for their handful of clothing. You could feel the throbbing migraine now eating at your brain whole, you rolled your eyes shut trying to mute out the loud noises from the public area around you. 

"Uh, excuse me? Can you move up?" You heard a voice ask from behind you, they tapped your shoulder which made you jolt awake from your made up world that you had imagined to ease the headache and noises. "Oh- shit, yeah. Sorry about that--" You turned your head to peak over at the person behind you, the dark bushy hair was kept hidden under a beanie a few clumps of it hanging loosely over those all too familiar tired almond shaped eyes and the shaded eye bags that were more visible than the rest of his face. 

"George?" You asked, astonished, but also caught by surprise. His eyes adjusted to you, lighting up, he pulled his scarf down, seeing the gleaming side smile now exposed earned an exhausted grin from your worn out features. "Y/n? Hey! You're shopping as well?" He asked, eyes looking over to your hand hugging the clothes close to you.

"Yeah, I needed to get some gifts for the staff, what better time than the day right before Christmas?" You ask him with obvious sarcasm laced around each word that left your lips. He caught on and smiled brighter, "I won't judge, I'm here for the same reason- I wanted to get some things for the buddies at the studio." Your eyes trailed down to see some clothing and bags from expensive accessory stores in his hand. The store brands were top tier which meant that he must've went all out for his studio friends, you admired that trait. He was willing to go all out for his friends even if it were as small as a wrist watch.

"Next!" The cashier called out, you turned round to see that the line was shorter now, you walk up to the counter quickly getting your items scanned and bagged. 

You waited near the exit for George, he met up with you moments later with a large bag in his hand, "You leaving now?" _I don't think I am. I can stay a bit longer._

"I was actually gonna go head out to grab some coffee. I have this shitty migraine." You added, turning to walk out the exit of the store, he followed by your side, both of you guys looking ahead but occasionally taking glances at each other to reply to one another's conversations. 

"I'm down for some coffee, did you eat?" George quizzed curiously, you shake your head, "I believe I had a good breakfast so I believe that should cover it-" "Bullshit, you gotta eat! Food helps with everything, especially headaches." Your eyebrows scrunch together, "Is that so? Which Doctor did you hear that from?" Your lips purse upwards, "No one in particular- I learn these remedies on my own." 

"You never fail to amaze me, Mr. Miller." Your joking tone only adding layers to his shadowing confidence. "I gotta keep you entertained one way or another Ms.L/n" He winked again, which made your heart stutter, or was it your mind? or your body? You feet stumbled but you were able to keep composure and not trip in front of this man and the rest of the people that were walking around in this large Mall. 

You both soon arrived at the Eatery, mouth watering dishes could be smelled from left to right. You saw people sitting down with their friends, family, or partner eating and talking whilst other lined up or looked for a free table. The assortments of small little eatery areas made your stomach growl at the thought of either eating some sushi or shoving spoonfuls of noodles or fried rice maybe chomping down a burger or shawarma wrap instead. "Over here, what are we craving today? Dunkin? or Starbucks? or Coffee Time? or-" "Starbucks seems nice..." You mumble before walking quickly craving for the sweet caffeine to come in contact with your taste buds.

George fastened his walking pace in order to catch up with you, you both were in line trying to figure out what you wanted. "See anything ya like?" He leaned to a bit to his left where you were, "Yeah...probably a quick Espresso with some hazelnut shots, I'm not too picky." You stated revising over your order mentally. "Want anything?" You added, George nodded his head, eyes still scanning the menu. "Mmm, something warm and like... sweet but not too sweet." He replied, taking a step forward once the the two other people had gotten their order. "What about a cream kinda drink?"

"Crème brûlée mocha sounds pretty promising." He said, eyebrows raising in interest, you nodded, "Go for it."

"Alright, and how would you like to pay?" The barista asked whilst typing in both your orders into the machine. You slipped out your wallet and quickly responded, George opens his mouth to respond, "Cash--"

"Debit." You swiped your card into the card swipe. Hearing the satisfying ring indicating your card went through and the payment had been complete you glanced over to George who was taken back. "What? you think I was gonna let you pay?" You question sarcastically, George slips the ten dollar bill back into his wallet, "Well- I thought that was the plan but shit- I guess you paying is alright too." He responded taking his drink from the pick up counter, you followed. "I'd never make you pay for something I needed, plus it's only a few bucks- don't worry about it. Just enjoy your drink."

"Oh I will." He gulped down the sweet milky drink.

You both walked around the stores, aimlessly looking around and inside the ones that caught your eyes. George had finished shopping for his buddies and you were good to go with the gifts you had gotten for the staff. After a while, the Mall had announced that it would be closing early, you and George had made your way around walking back to the exit. While doing so you both walked past a small stuffed animal shop. The display presented assortments of animals and the sizes were also ranged from large to small. 

Although you were an adult, you had to admit that upon seeing the tiny stuffed bear peeking its small adorable head out of the makeshift Christmas box tugged at your heart sweetly. It would've been a cute little decoration to place on your office table or even have laying on your side table beside your bed. "Whatcha lookin at?" The male asked, looming over you to see the display window of tiny and large stuffed animals staring right back at him. "Just these toys, they're pretty cute, huh?" You ask, looking up to see his head above yours slightly, he moved back, "I guess- I was never a huge fan of stuffed animals so--" He then shrugged while walking towards the exit of the Mall with you. 

"Really? You never liked them?" You question now outside the mall and turning a left to the parking lot. "Well, I didn't really get stuffed animals as presents it was mainly toys like figurines and shit, I never grew up to love it. So, it's a meh." George explained, eyes looking both ways as he crossed the road, you followed and walked beside him. The cool wind and snowy flakes of winter fell beautifully slow, covering the pavement roads and buildings as well as some of the outside eatery trucks. You both walked down the path.

Whilst having conversations about whatever came to mind, the faint noise of music and loud booming basses could be heard. "Is there a performance?" You questioned over to George who was a few steps ahead of you, he turned around to face the path in front of him, squinting his eyes to see what was going on. "I don't think so, it looks like..." You both took longer strides over to the blaring music. Along the path to your right as a large patio, buildings and trees surrounding the perimeter. Bright Christmas lights lit above the large patio area and two large speakers with a couple of people playing instruments could be heard and seen.

"Oh! A ballads performance!" "A what?" 

He jogged up to the patio, it was clear that people were sitting, talking, and a few were dancing. "It's just those Christmas Performances in Time Square, this is the first time I actually got to see one up close, usually I just heard it from my old apartment building." He gestured you to follow him, you jogged over quickly. George's eyes lit up as he looked at the Christmas lights shining over him, his eyes glowed a golden hue as the snowflakes fell around him. The music was clear now, and it was a soft beat with a loud booming bass. He glanced over to you. Then to others around him, then back to you.

"What?-"

_"Dance with me?"_

"What?!" You scoff, taking a small step back when he handed his hand to you. 

"Come on, just a quick dance. I never got to do one of these, and I'm sure you haven't either." George said, a small hopeful smile on his lips as he looked at you and then back up at the Christmas lights.   
  


"I-I don't..." You turned your face away from him, only to see couples dancing with each other.

"Come on, just one dance. It's the only way I can pay you back for paying for my drink..." He suggested, you looked over to him. "Unless you're uncomfortable then we could just head back." He was quick to add. It wasn't that you were uncomfortable, you just didn't know how to dance with someone. You were always singing and dancing by yourself most of the time but seeing someone want to dance with _you_ , was a completely different story. You didn't want to ruin the experience for George, and you didn't want to come off as an non-fun person either.

_'Dancing with someone couldn't be that hard, right?'_

You take in a deep breath and then sigh, watching the swirls of white mist leave your lips. "Okay, but- I don't quite know how to dance with someone." You admitted looking at him feeling kinda dumb for not knowing but George didn't seem to care. He took a step closer to you and held his hand out in your direction. "That's fine- I can teach you, I'm not so good at it either, but honestly who gives a fuck?" _'Oh.'_

"What about our stuff?" you held up your bag full of clothes and the bag of jewelry. 

"I can hold it for you, Dear." The both of you hear an elderly women say, turning your heads in unison you saw an old group of women sitting at a bench with their canes and walkers, as well as some bags from the Mall. You looked back to George, shooting him a look of _"Does it look promising?"_ He seemed to read the expression perfectly before nodding. You walked over to the elderly women and handed your bag to them. "Thank yo-"

"Enjoy your dance, Sweetie. There are only so little men that would ask a beautiful girl to dance with them on a wintery night like this one here." She stated, her friends giggling and agreeing. You only awkwardly nodded and turned back to George who waited patiently.

You both walked to an open area where no one was in arms length. The far middle of the patio with the music blasting at a good range. "So, how do we...how do-" He slipped his right arm around your waist which made you jump. "Is this okay?" He asked softly, leaning closer to you so you could hear him out of the loud music. Your heart stammered. "Yeah. It's fine." He slipped his other arm around your waist. "Now, just place your hands on either side of my shoulders." He instructed. You nodded and cautiously placed them on his shoulders. He looked down at both of your feet. "Uh- I dunno how the feet stuff works but just follow my lead I guess?" You couldn't help but chuckle. "Alright." 

As if now on beat the music changed to a slow song. The lights had turned a pinky-purple shade. George looked back up, now looking at you, you felt awkward. Being this close to a male you were somewhat close with, dancing with him. It was all so new, George was teaching you things your mind never thought of touching bases on. He opened new doors to help you out of your comfort zone he didn't even know you had. It was admiring of him to do so, he just wanted to have fun. You guys may have been Therapist and Client in office doors but outside...

You both were _friends_.

And it felt good.

The song began to hit it's first verse, George swayed left to right slowly on beat, you managed to follow. His eyes were focused on trying not to potentially step on your feet but to you it seemed like he were staring right into your eyes. The pinkish-purple lighting only added to his features. His eyes glowed a mysterious shade and it glowed nicely on his skin. He hummed softly to the lyrics.

"You know the song?" You questioned, gripping a bit more securely on his shoulders. He nodded, "You never heard of Arctic Monkeys?" "No, sadly not." "Well if you like the song it's called--" The chorus had then played loudly into your eardrums.

_' Secrets I have held in my heart, Are harder to hide than I thought, Maybe I just wanna be yours, I wanna be yours. '_

Maybe the lyrics hit harder than expected because your found yourself moving more on beat to the song, taking a step closer to feel this whole dancing with a person experience. Yet, before you knew it. The song had ended and it went back to another christmas carol. The lights had changed to the well-known basic Christmas theme of Red and Green. George pulled away and went over to grab your bag and get back to you. "Well, that was fun, did you enjoy it?" He questioned, you nodded your head. "I suppose so, it was fun." You commented, watching him walk in front of you. "It's getting late, we should head back." "Right..." You watch as he made his way to the Parking Lot whilst you were left behind.

You and George parted ways after, he waved good bye while you did the same, both slipping into your cars and rushing to turn on the heaters and get back to your homes. 

Once arriving home, you had changed and began getting the presents put together, you had your favourite show playing in the background where you would take occasional looks up to see what was happening on the screen and then go back to cutting off the price tag and fold the clothes neatly before packing them away in bags or boxes. It was pretty late, the clock had read 2:57am, "Three minutes till three." You mumble tiredly to yourself, a yawn left your body and stretching letting all the muscles in your body finally breath. 

You went to bed, body warmed up by the thick blanket sheets. Ready for a quick day at work and Christmas. 


	5. Snowy Nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing slowly improves, please don't leave :,)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**_> I know you're not in love, like you used to be.<_ **

**. . .**

"It was quite a stressful day, Dear." Ms. Steels sighed as she placed her large hand bag down beside the couch. 

You sat across from her, "I'm sorry to hear that, would you like to talk about that?" She looked at you, "I suppose so, Oliver has been very distant lately and I'm afraid he's sick and tired of being in the same house as me. I don't know where he is half of the day and when he comes back it's like he has this aura that just seems so dark and sickening." She explained, fumbling with her dainty fingers, she glanced at her wedding ring that hugged around her ring finger. "Do...do you think he still loves me?" Ms. Steels questioned, uncertainty and worry dripping out of her mouth.

You scribbled the last note and shifted your gaze to her, "I believe this situation happens to many elderly couples, Ms. Steels. He's simply craving his younger era back when he could go out and hang out with his friends for hours on end. I can only assume he was that edgy bad boy in highschool, yes?" You ask watching the elderly women avert her eyes to her ring again. A bashful smile growing on her lips as she recalled memories of when her and Oliver had met in their Chemistry class back in senior year of Highschool. Call it cliché, but they fell head over heels for each other soon after. 

"Y-Yes...that's right."

"Then, I'm sure it's just him reliving his old self, he loves you very much, Ms. Steels. There is no need to worry." You confirmed, leaning forward to show her a promising confident look. You fall back into your chair. "If there is ever a moment where you and I _do_ need to worry, bring him into the office here and I'll deal with him myself." You smirk, watching her face bubble and that soft laugh leave her lungs. "Of course."

"Y/n?" A knock at the door. You place the last file away and look over, "Come in!" Anastasia came in, coffee cup in hand. "Hey babes, how you doing?" "Doing fine, what about you?" "I'm pretty pumped- Merry Christmas by the way!" She cheered, placing her cup down and giving you a back hug, you hug her back "Merry Christmas!" She let go and sat at your office chair drinking her hot beverage. "What's got you so pumped?" You question, placing folders in their required cabinets. "Well, I was thinking..." Anastasia began.

"Yeah?"

"I'm throwing a little Christmas Party, and I wanted to know if you could come." She finished, watching your body language tense up and you let out a sarcastic laugh. "Nice try but no. I don't do good at parties, Ana. You know that."

"C'mon Y/n! That was like- 2 years ago, and it wasn't even my fault!"

"You got wasted with three other girls and began doing strip teases infront of the whole crowd! I had to get all three of you out of there and deal with the men who couldn't compose themselves!"

"Yeah but-"

"Not to mention- when the cops pulled us over- you flashed him with your tits and said 'Fuck the police!" You cut her off, closing the cabinet door, turning back over to her, your back leaning against the bookshelf. Anastasia bit back a wheeze before looking back at your nonchalant face. "Okay- but- it was funny, come on. It was really-" When she noticed that your smile wasn't breaking, Anastasia awkwardly cleared her throat and nodded her head.

"Y/n. I can assure you that this will be a normal, chill Christmas party, it'll be the staff, Sandra, and a few of Angel's pals. Nothing more." She pledged, her words seemed promising, so you trusted it.

"Nothing more?" You asked.

"Nothing more Ma'am." She drew an 'X' over her chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die, I shall never tell you a single lie."

"That's not even how it-"

"Are you coming or not?"

You let out a huff. Stepping off the wall, and walking over to your desk. "Sure."

"Yes! I love you!" She squealed, stumbling out of your chair and hugging you tighter than before. She grabbed her coffee cup and made her way to the door of your office. "Wear something cute, Babes! It's Christmas!" She finished off before she shut the door to your office leaving you in your little work room. "Something cute?"

"This is..." You say to yourself, gazing at the mirror, your reflection biting back at you, the red velvet dress you had gotten hugged your rolls and curves and or slim figure a little _too_ nicely _._ The dress itself was body fitting so you were on full display. Yet, you found a jacket to cover you up. Or, whatever was eye candy to men. You weren't a party type of person, especially parties in New York. You preferred small gatherings rather than large rooms with excessive amount of people and the horrid mixes of alcohol, cigarettes , and weed scenting the room. The loud bass music blaring your ears as well as people screaming, your stomach churned already imagining the aching migraine that would throb from the sides of your head.

But, you trusted Anastasia. She surely wouldn't have thrown a dramatic party for a few mere staff. You tugged at the end of your dress, your cold fingertips coming in contact with your knees. _'This dress is so god damn short.'_ You had no other options though, the plan to the party was so sudden, and you didn't go out very often so the nicest pieces of clothing were ones you were given by Anastasia herself. You run your dainty fingers through your hair, detangling the slight knots that accumulated from drying your damp hair with a towel. 

Another stare into your reflection in the mirror.

You didn't look bad.

No, not at all.

A surge of confidence bubbles in you, you felt pretty, you _were_ pretty. 

It was getting close to the scheduled time of the party. You rushed downstairs, ready to leave and drive off a good 40 minutes to your friend's house.

You shut the car door, turning on the car and turning up the radio, the quiet tune of a familiar song you enjoyed oh so much softly hummed in the car. 

_"Sometimes all I think about is you... Late nights in the middle of June..."_

You hummed the rest of the lyrics, driving out the driveway and onto the road.

It was a good 35 minute drive, you began noticing the similar neighbourhood you pulled up to before. When you had made it to the right one, you could see cars parked all around the driveway and along the sidewalk. Confused at first but brushed it off assuming it was because it was Christmas and Anastasia's party wasn't the only gathering planned. You found a parking space a few cars back, slipping out you went over to the back seat to grab the gift bags and made your way to her house. 

As you walked down the sidewalk the beaming multi-coloured Christmas lights shined brightly in the snowy night. You loved this part about Christmas, seeing the colours glow in the dark, creating a beautiful aesthetic scenery before you. You trudged up the stairs and knocked on the door, then you pressed the doorbell. You waited a moment until you heard the door opened. You saw a tall male with a black dress shirt and grey jeans greet you with a smile. His greenish blue eyes barely able to make out with the dirty blonde hair that was messily sat on his head.

"Hey! You here for Anastasia?" He asked, leaning in closer, you noticed the loud booming music in the house, looking over his shoulder, your knees felt weak. There were a bunch of people, handfuls, the couches were all full and so were parts of the staircase. "Uh, yeah. I'm a coworker." "Sweet." He said, moving to the side letting you in. You walk in hesitantly, there were a lot of people here. 

_'What the fuck happened to "Chill Christmas Party"? '_

"So, a friend of Anastasia's huh?" The male that opened the door for you began. Your eyes were locked on the staircase full of people you didn't even know. "Yeah- do you know where-" "My names Clay...you are?" He asked, yet you shrugged it off, not in the mood for small talk with anyone. You just needed to find Anastasia. "Uhm. I just need to know where Anastasia is." You state, a little bit louder. "Well-"   
  


"Oh! You're looking for Ana? She's upstairs with a few of her employee friends!" Another voice boomed, you look over to the stair case, at knee level you could see a girl, her white dyed hair in a bun with a few strands loose looking up at you with her upturned blue eyes. 

A wave of relief fused out of you. "Thank you." You thank loud enough for her to hear, she nodded in confirmation moving out of the way so you could go up the stairs.

The following people did the same, occasionally getting smacked with your large gift bags- but that was at the least of your worries and concerns. You had gotten to the second floor, even more people, groups sitting against sides of the wall. The bitter smell of alcohol and weed lingered in the room. You roll your eyes, not bothering to nag off the young adults, going down the hall, it was getting more empty as the hall narrowed. You made a right, seeing the first door and opening it.

You regretted it instantly.

The name of your friend getting caught in your throat as you went to call out for her, only to be presented by a couple half naked making out on the bed. The dark room filled with light and you could feel the second hand embarrassment eat you up in one sitting. "I- oh god I'm so so- holy shit I didn't- sorry-" You shut the door, turning around, opening another door to see yet another intimate scene going on between two strangers. 

You groaned in frustration as you slammed the door shut.

Out of all days and places, people choose to fuck in another person's house?

You made another right, finally seeing a door slightly adjust, the laugh from familiar coworkers rang through your ears. You opened the door swiftly to see a good group of girls from your agency, Sandra, Angel, and finally- "Ana." You sighed out. They all greeted you with drunken or high squeals. "Y/n! Babes! Where have you been? Oh my god I thought you wouldn't have shown up!" She yelled, you gave her a small laugh and shook your head. "I wouldn't miss it- I said I would show up... but-" "Yeah?" You lean in, whispering quietly. "You said this would be a small chill party, why are there so many...people?" "It's just a few of Angel's friends...and their friends...but don't worry! You're with us!" Her attempt at reassurance failed miserably in her tipsy state. "I guess it's fine then.." You mumble.

"Great! Let's drink to it!" She announced grabbing a glass of champagne and handed it to you. "Saved you a glass." The girl winked at you. "Thanks." You took it and sipped a bit. Bitter. "Champagne Cocktail, your favorite right?" _'You mean **your** favourite?' _"Haha, yeah." You chuckle, walking over to an open seat beside your boss. "We should start opening the presents, yes?" Sandra said, eyeing the large bags. "You're right!" 

About 30 minutes in, presents made their way around the group, you were currently opening yours. One given from Sandra. It was a coffee mug. "Oh. A- coffee mug?" "Well, you like coffee don't you?" She replied, tangent salt in her tone. "Yes. Of course. Thank you, Sandra." You place it away, watching her unwrap your present. She picked up the jewelry bundle in silence. The rest of the staff watched quietly. "Huh," Sandra huffed, fingers twisting the pearls in her grasp. "If I knew you were getting me expensive jewelry I would've gotten you a larger mug." She finished off, you went to open your mouth and retract out only let out a defeated breath.

Anastasia was next to open her gift. She opened it lazily and pulled out the neatly folded outfits you had gotten her. "Wow!" She screamed thrilled as ever. This went on for a while until everyone in the group had opened their gifts. 

"We should head downstairs, I need to fill up a few snack bowls and drinks." Angel stated, opening the door, the staff agreed and made their way down the steps and vanished into the large dark room with millions of people dancing. You were alone now, originally you were tagging behind Angel and Anastasia but they had left your vision pretty quickly. You were now left in the kitchen, chugging a red party cup full of the bittersweet wine. You threw the cup into the trash, making sure not to bump into anyone who decided to makeout in the area around you. Slipping past them, you were back in the large room, light flashing and the same boost blaring into your ears making you feel dizzy, you rushed to the nearest couch. Sitting down beside a group of strangers.

Your head was in your hands, trying to massage the aching headache forming at your forehead.

You really did hate parties like this, but what made matters worse was you were alone and-

"Hey! Anastasia's friend right?" The male voice screamed into the side of your ear. You winced. Looking up you were able to make out the familiar features. "Oh. Clay..." You greeted, half heartedly. "So! I never got your name...I was wondering if..." He started, placing his beer bottle down on the nearby coffee table. A loud clang from the glass. "Yeah?" You asked, wanting the conversation to end. "Can I uhh- mmm-" He slurred out, you shifted uncomfortably in your seat.

"Are you- drunk?" You question, watching the staggering body language and the delay in his words. "What?! No! No! No-" Clay hiccups. "Nah. Just downed a few drinks- a liiitle too fast." He laughs, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and tugging you close to him. Your body tenses. The stench of alcohol and bitter mixes of whatever the hell he might've smoked stings your eyes. You attempt to push him away. "Clay-" "C'mon pretty girl, tell me your name ah?" He teases, wrapping his other free hand around your wrist where your hand had been, placed upon his chest in attempt to free some space between you two. 

"No, I don't, Clay you should get a cab home or something-" 

"Babe I'm finee." He slurred out, laughing while hugging you tighter. 

_'Babe?'_

"No- seriously. Clay get off me." You push harder this time, but Clay only grabbed you tighter, his dilated green eyes glaring into yours while his jaw clenched angirly. "Y'know. I've been nothing but nice to you this whole time you _bitch_. Now why don't you make yourself useful and suck me off in a room upstairs, eh?" Your stomach churned. You were disgusted, with all your frustration and strength, you yank your hand from his grasp and slap him across the face.

Hard.

A satisfying hiss of pain left the drunk male's lips. Clay growls low curses under his breath then looks back over to you, who was already standing up, re-adjusting your coat and shivering off the uncomfortable touch. "You fucking whore!"

"And you're a piece of shit excuse for a human being." You respond, slapping him once more and turning to leave quickly. Eyes were already on you and you felt more than uncomfortable. You just wanted to leave.

Without even bothering to look for your friend who ditched you, you left the building and unlocked the door to your car, slipping in swiftly you turned the key in the ignition and began to drive out back onto the road, back to home. Your body shivered at how aggressive and intolerable the male's whole being was. The way he held you so close to him without giving you any space to breath, on top of that without your permission, the way his sour tone sounded so prominent when you refused his... _orders_. 

This was possibly the worst Christmas by far.

You were sure to not ever take Anastasia's word for anything the next time something similar happens.

You were upset, disappointed, and overall unwell to what had occured in the past 4 hours. Your finger glided to the radio, turning it up a few notches, letting whatever played on the radio soothe your pent up feelings. You laid back into your seat as a red light came into view, you let out a defeated sigh, arching your head back. 

God, you hated parties.

Another 20 minutes and you were home. You picked up some sweets and take out beforehand, currently you were in your office, hands typing away at work files that were once empty but now being filled and turned in. A small glazed donut hung from your mouth, your teeth clamped down holding it in place as you typed in the last few point before filing it away. You then devoured the donut. 

It was about 10:23pm, Christmas was almost over, you didn't want to sleep it away, at least have a little time to yourself, yet the thought of work overload bit at the back of your brain. You had taken a tylenol, the headache was soothing which was a good sign. You went to shut off your laptop, emails were already sent to Sandra about finished files, and you had replied to other Client's concerned emails about their next schedule. Your mouse pointer glided towards the 'close all tabs' button.

Suddenly, a notification went off on the monitor. You looked down to see a fresh new email. It was just sent, opening it you saw the user.

**George Miller <miller.george.kusunoki@gmail.com>**

**to me;**

**_Merry Christmas Y/n! Hope you're having a good one :)_ **

You were quick to reply, chewing at the bottom of your lip as your eyes carefully read the words your wrote on the screen.

**Reply to: George Miller <miller.george.kusunoki@gmail.com>**

**_> Thank you George. Hope you're having a good Holiday as well._ **

You hit send. The grin slowly faded from your lips as you awaited for a reply of some sort. _'What would he say to that though?' ' "Thank you"? The conversation would end by then.'_ You frowned, you didn't want the conversation to end, you enjoyed talking to George but...was it even okay to be talking to him like this? You sat there on your laptop, more than you wanted to, waiting for a response. 

You were in the midst of shutting off the laptop when another notification went off. You rushed to open it.

**George Miller <miller.george.kusunoki@gmail.com>**

**to me;**

**_> > I expected you to reply later, did your staff like the presents? Did you guys have a party?_ **

You feel your muscles tighten, lips curving upwards.

 _'Yeah, they enjoyed it-'_ You typed. _'The party though, wasn't the best.'_ You keyboard made loud satisfying clicking sounds in the quiet office. You huffed, too tired and lazy to write a whole paragraph of what had happened, you clicked send. 

George was quick to reply, **_Wanna talk about it?_**

Your fingers press onto the keys whilst eyes stare into the screen. **'It's a long story, I don't wanna potentially bore you with all my writing.'** You press send once again, leaning over to grab another donut, stuffing it into your mouth. The radiation from your screen made you squint slightly awaiting for George's response. The ring from your monitor echoed in the office. 

You clicked onto it and read the words that made you choke on the glazed donut.

_Oh ok, wanna call about it then?_ It said.

You read the message about a thousand times before your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Your brain mush, not knowing what to do. _'Call him? So late at night?...'_ You shake your stupid thoughts out of your head. _'No, we're friends, out of the Agency Office...we're friends. This is normal.'_ You type.

**_For sure!│_ **

**_For su│_ **

_**Fo│** _

**_Sure here's my number-│_ **

**_Sure here's m│_ **

**_Sur│_ **

**_718-450-23│_ **

**_718-│_ **

You sigh.

 _'Sure :)'_ You hesitate to click send, but go for it anyways. His message came in right away, as if he were waiting for a while, but maybe you were overthinking it.

_'Cool, here's my number 718-093-8230 :))'_ His number soon followed after, you felt your head go light, this was odd.

You grabbed your phone, typing in his number. Fingers shaking over the call button that shined so brightly. You sat in your home office, listening to the wind from outside howl loudly as the tree branches hit against each other. You got up, walking over to your room, waiting, for what exactly? Hell- you couldn't figure it out.

You were now sitting on your bed, lights off, and blinds to your large window open. Your phone in grasp, the bright screen shining upon your anxious features. His number stayed dialed, you just needed to press the call button. Why were you hesitating so much? You were about to hover over it when the screen changed.

**' INCOMING CALL '**

_718-093-8230_

_Answer Decline_

You answered. Holding the phone up against your ear, taking in a deep breath you greeted. "Hello?" 

"Hey! You were taking a while to call, I thought I should've made the first move then." Joji chuckled, you could hear shuffling from the other end of the line. Hearing the male's voice made you relaxed, it made you realize that it wasn't so bad. You were just overthinking it. "Hah, yeah sorry about that. I needed to clean up a bit." "No worries, so- wanna talk about what happened?" He asked, you let out a sigh.

"Sure."

Several minutes had passed, you were now laying on the bed, back facing the window, listening to George's occasional comments about what had occured hours before. He didn't seem impressed by Clay at all, he was quite pleased to hear that you stood your ground and left. George also felt guilty that you had to go through that, especially during Christmas. He was able to take your mind off the crappy party by talking about his day.

"I spent a few hours with my buddies and now I'm chilling back at the Studio." George mused, taking a small breath of something, you could only assume was a cigarette. "You recording a new song or somethin?" You ask, playing with the corners of the pillowcase. He cleared his throat, sitting up in his chair. "Yeah, I plan on releasing an album sometime this year, probably around April, or July, I don't know honestly."

"I'd be happy to get a sneak peek before it's released." You inquired, hearing the light hearted goofy chuckle leave his tobacco tainted lips. _"I'm sure you would."_

The call fell silent. You had both been talking for almost over an hour and a half. You hadn't realized how close it was to midnight. You sigh exhale, annoyed and upset. Joji had picked up on this and raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" He asked, you looked at the patterns on your bedsheets, frown deepening, looking at the small pile of gifts you had gotten. "It's just that...ah- Christmas is almost over and this was by far the worst one yet."

"Worse than whatever happened two years ago?" George asked, dramatic as ever. You bit back a laugh. Only scoffing and hanging your head low. "Shut up- it was embarrassing. She literally flashed her tits out to the cops. Isn't that like- some type of Sexual Harassment?"

"Did she get fined?"

"No."

"Then I guess the cops liked em titties."

You raise your head quickly, a pretentious smile on your face. "George!"

Joji cackled, hitting his hand on the armrest of his chair. When the laughter amongst you two died down you both sat in solemn silence, the genuine kind. You both were comfortable. Both your and Joji's steady breathing could be heard from the other end of the line, the distant ticking clock in your room and Joji's faint radio in the background of his Studio. "Woah..." Joji murmured, you could hear him shuffle. "What?" You ask. "It's snowing a lot...but like...the perfect amount."

You turned around, walking over to the large window sill, slowly, you were able to make out the soft snowflakes that fell beautifully onto the fluffy beds of snow. Taking you back to when you were a mere child running around and making snow angels with your friends, having snowball fights that always resorted to one of you or all of you catching a cold. The large and tiny snowmen you would build around the neighborhood, almost like a competition between all the children, and of course you couldn't forget the hot chocolate on Christmas mornings to nights. It was all so warm and comforting.

Oh how you missed those Snowy Nights.

When being a child was easier than growing up.

You loved every moment of it.

"Merry Christmas Y/n." You hear Joji whisper softly at the end of the other line. You were caught off guard for a moment. Not focusing on the snowbeds and snowflakes that glowed under the multicolored Christmas lights, but now focusing on your reflection in the window pane. You peel the phone away from your ear, checking the time. 

12:04am.

"It's passed Christmas." You say into the mic of the phone, putting him on speaker watching the couple from across your home kiss under a mistletoe that a family member placed on top of them. You snicker at the cute moment, a bit of envy burning in you at the same time.

"Yeah by like four minutes--"

"Five, actually."

"Tch, whatever same shit." Joji scorned. 

The call once again filled with giggled before it came to a hushed tranquility.

_"Merry Christmas, George."_ You respond, waiting for his reply, but the sound of a door opening and mumbling only awaited the other end _._

"Ah shit, sorry Y/n. I gotta get going." George apologized, you shake your head, drawing patterns on the fogged up window. "It's fine, you gotta go back to recording?" It was quiet, you thought the line had cut off but a high pitched giggle followed by Joji's low titter came through. "Uh- Yeah. Something like that. I gotta head out now, it was nice speaking to you."

"You too." You reply genuinely, smiling at the thought of his kindness that seeped through his voice.

"Night." You sign off, "Yeah, night." The line had cut and you were standing in your room looking at the 'Call Ended.' screen. Watching it now flicker to your dial key. The conversation had lasted hours, and you were starting to feel the exhaustion get to you. Going to the washroom to wash up you had recited your nightly routine and slid under your warm blanket. 

Once again asleep with a smile this time.

_Maybe this Christmas wasn't as bad as you thought it might've been._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is CarnationTakia :)) Thank you for reading the new chapter!
> 
> First I would like to thank you all for the immense support so far on this fanfiction. Joji is an underrated artist and I didn't think many people would find interest in reading my work, but I'm grateful for the people that have enjoyed it. :)
> 
> Second, I'm not sure if there are notifs that get sent out on AO3 when a new chapter is published, if not, please feel free to follow me on Wattpad (TheAgust_D) Dangerous Thoughts will also be posted there and I will have a better way of giving out notifs as to when new chapters are published :) (If you would like other socials besides wattpad feel free to ask!)
> 
> Lastly, I'm sorry this chapter took a long time to publish! I am indeed still a student and have quite a few assignments and projects to complete but I can assure you that at least one or two chapters will be out every week. I want this fanfic to be done by around Valentine's Day so I can make a surprise announcement but we'll just have to see how things go.
> 
> Once again, thank you for all the love and support so far! I'll try my best to improve my writing if needed and have more chapters out! 
> 
> Love you all! Stay Safe <3


	6. The Nightmare After Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !Trigger Warning; manipulation/derealization warning towards the end! 
> 
> Please remember you are real, you are loved, and this is merely a fictional reader insert fanfiction. This is all a story, and you exist in the real world. You are going to be alright.
> 
> :) <3
> 
> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing slowly improves, please don't leave :,)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

**_> Guess I'm not the one, like you used to think. So you just run.<_ **

**. . .**

The timid sun slowly arose into the sky. Finally filling the once gloomy expanse with dull light. Your blinds in your bedroom was perfect for day offs. Especially, days after Christmas. Even if it was one day off- you didn't mind. You were able to finally become one with your bed and dissolve into the cotton sheets. Birds sang amongst themselves as the small sun came into view, the world now painted like a blushing peach. 

Scrolling through your phone and the minimal social life you had only cured so much of your boredom. You tossed the cellular device onto the other side of your bed, turning in place, it was still so early. 6:42 am blinked on the mini alarm clock that rested on your oak wood side table. 

Winter mornings were tiring, but you were all up for it if it meant you could sleep in.

_'Sleep in.'_

_When was the last time you were able to sleep in for long periods of time?_

_'Two- no, three weeks ago?'_ Eyelids now suddenly feeling like they were carrying the most ponderous anvils in the world, it made you fight to keep them open. Your body and your mind both in a battle of war to control you. Yet, your eyes began to flutter shut, your body had won the fight; _victory_.

_The birds chirping were still quite blaring, but your office windows were able to muffle out some of the noises. The sound piano music you weren't quite sure where it was playing from but each key seemed to surge a amonous yet solace feeling in you. Dark oak wood flourished furniture gleamed under the gentle sunrise kiss. Your clipboard was blank, papers tucked underneath were blank as well._

_You knew you had a session to get to. Currently waiting patiently for the client you didn't plan on meeting today. It was your day off._

_A quiet knock hit against your office postern. You call out to the other person quietly, inviting them into the empty dull office room. The entrance creaks open, indicating that the hinges to the damn door hadn't been oiled in years. In the entrance way slipped in a tall figure. One you studied so well, the male came in with a simple white button up and coal coloured dress jeans. Quite different from what you would expect from him, yet it was a tasteful style on him._

_You pressed the back of your ballpoint pen, the pleasurable click from the stylo alerted his attention._

_"You're here..." He mumbles, running a hand through the messy tussles of dark hair. You shift in your seat, "I mean, where else would I be?" a devilish like smirk curled at the end of your lips. You get up from your chair, making your way slowly around the large desk. You lean against it, watching him carefully._

_"You're quite the tease, y'know that?" His figure angled in a way to face yours. Playing dumb only added spice to this quarrel and you were feeling confident. Around him, you felt free._

_"I don't see a problem with that, Mr. Miller." You conquer. Slipping off your beige blazer, letting it rest on the far side of the table- the signature black turtleneck hugged at your figure, the male's tempted eyes bored onto your figure.  
_

_He only let out a dry laugh, "That's the problem with you." He stated, looking over to analyze your expression, your face morphed into bewilderment. Not being able to depict a single tone of sarcasm or harmless joke in his tone. He was serious. You uncross your arms, letting your palms grip the table side. "What?" You mumble out._

_George took longer strides towards you, only inches away from your face, "You think you're special or something. You think you love me and I love you but..."His hand was leisurely making its way up your side, fingers digging into the side of your hip. You flinch, ready to move but he had his other arm gripping your wrist on the other side of your shaken figure._

_"George-"  
  
_

_"What's wrong? I thought we were friends?" He asked, tilting his head. Both of your eyes scorching into each other's stare. Yours filled with innocent confusion and slight fear whilst his were tainted with the look of a demon._

_"Tell me you love me." He ordered._

_"No- what?"_

_"Tell me you love me." George repeated. His mouth inched closer to yours, hot breath fanning over your cold lips. His whole demeanor reminded you of a vicious snake, slowly inching its way over to it's hopelessly devoted prey. You were trapped._

_"George stop-"_

_"Tell me you hate me then." He pushed once more. You tried shoving him off with your free arm only to lose balance and fall back onto the desk. Before your head came into contact with the hard surface of the table George had caught you._

_"You've never danced with someone, eh?" He asked, his eyes were now bright, almost like the time you were at that patio in Time Square. You looked around as he helped you back up, you were now in a snowy land of nowhere. The ground beneath your feet was fluffy snow and the fields were pitch black air, and Christmas lights for a ceiling. Slow distorted muffled music played in the distance. They glowed upon the two of you, he gave off a different demeanor this time, one similar to your first dance with him._

_"I- what the fuck..." You whisper, eyes averting everywhere, head turning all around._

_'Where the hell are we?' You thought._

_"What's wrong?" George asked innocently worried for you. You shift back over to him, stammering over your words as you stared into his eyes. Brown. Chocolate. Reassuring._

_"I thought that- it's just you were being weird." Hands shaking unsteadily either from the cold or from whatever the hell happened moments ago, your brain was clouded with thoughts and feelings. Was this real?_

_"Weird? Like what?"_ _  
_

_"You-You were just ah..." You inhale a quivering breath. "You were just acting really...fuckin odd and you kept getting pushy and rude and saying these...things."_

_"What did I say?"_

_"You said-" You gulp._

_"Tell me you-"_

_**"love me."** George finishes._

_Your body tenses, quicker than any time it has. Words choking back at your dry throat, area around you beginning to fade around you. Walls peeling, back into the similar setting you remember. Bookshelves, couches, desks, dark oakwood furniture._

_"Tell me you love me, Y/n." He growled lowly, the arms around your waist were practically squeezing you to the brink of not being able to breath._

_"George...stop you're scaring-me." You manage to choke out, you squirmed desperately to leave his grasp, yet he let go of you and you fell onto the couch you once sat on to have those weekly sessions you wish you could go back to having._

_He leaned over to you, his large hand grabbing your chin so you were staring right into his horrid orbs once again. His eyes were dark, almost pitch dark, you weren't able to figure what reality was anymore, his words seemed so genuine the laced sour words that left his mouth hurt you, it felt real, too real, was this real?_

_"You keep mixing fiction with reality, you don't even know if this is real." George laughed loudly, manic laughter echoing off the walls of your office. Tears burned at the brim of your eyes, this wasn't George, but was the George you knew even him?_

_"Who... are you?"_

_He craned his neck back down to you his head tilted in a teasing manner . George then began leaning in softly to your ear._

_**"You decide. I could either be...the best thing to happen in your life or-"** _

__

_He moved slowly to your lips once again._

_**"the one thing that fucks you up for eternity."** _

_Before you were able to utter out a response, the grip on your jaw now felt rougher as he pulled you in for a kiss. It was sour, bitter, your lips stung, you were fighting back a gag. It was like putrid poison the way his lips moves against yours so aggressively- could this even be considered a kiss? It was horrible, you could feel your lips bleed as his teeth dug into the skin of your bottom lip._

_The piano that was once setting for a soft ambience now clanged loudly with distorted keys creating an ear-piercing melody. You could hear ringing from all over you, a low voice booming at the back of your head the voice sounded like it was some sort of auto generated bot-far from a human, vibrating your entire body._

_"Wake up." it called out._

_"Wake up." "Wake up." "Wake up." it repeated.  
_

_'WAKE UP DAMNIT!' You could hear yourself scream._

_"Please, wake up." The monotoned bot called out once more._

As if on cue your body had jumped awake, you had pushed yourself up swiftly, gasping for air. Your hair was tangled covering your face, your heart was beating as if you had got off a run at 27 miles per hour. Your breathing was uneven, and your body was forming beads of sweat. You realized you had slept faced down and that might've been the reason as to why you felt like you were on the verge suffocating. Turning over, you rip the heavy thick blanket off you and let your feet touch the cold floors of your home.

You looked out the window, seeing the small snowflakes fall outside just like they were hours before. You shut your eyes, "Just-Just a nightmare." You sigh out, wiping your face, moving strands of tangled hair out of your face. 

That was just a dream, a figment of your imagination. Nothing more, you were just dreaming.

You continued telling yourself, yet, it felt so real. The way he held, how he spat those words at you. The manipulation, the feeling, the voices. It was all so overwhelming. _'Maybe...maybe it happened because of my fucked up sleep schedule. I haven't slept in like that for a while and...I had just met George as well so-'_ Your threads of thoughts soon being cut off as the sound of your phone rang and vibrated on the night stand. You looked down at it, reaching and checking the Caller ID.

In a swift motion, you slide your thumb over the accept call button and hold the phone against your ear. "Nicholas...Hey." You greet, "Hey- you alright?" He asks, always knowing if something was up, you let out a dryly laugh at this. "Yeah I'm fine, just got startled from the ring. I'm awake now- what's up?" You ask, walking over to the washroom, switching on the light. "Yeah, you didn't come over for Christmas- we were worried for ya." Nick explains. You scoff, "We? Or you?"

It was quiet on the other end.

"Y/n." The boy began, you dampen up your toothbrush looking at the reflection of your morning mess self in the large bathroom mirror. "I've been busy with work, I've had new clients come in and Anastasia planned a Christmas party so I was there. I came home beat but I planned on calling." You explained, shoving the toothbrush into your mouth, brushing your teeth spitting out the foamed up paste in your mouth. "Oh...well-"

"We just had some dinner and opened a few presents and then made a few calls." Nick replied, you could hear the faint clicking of his keyboard on the other end. _'Playing video games like always. You never changed Nicholas.'_ After a few minutes, you spit a few more times and wash your face, and toothbrush. You went over to the vanity in your bedroom, putting the phone on speaker and going over to grab a hair brush. Knowing the reason why he called, you decide to break the silence and confront him about it.

"How's Mom?" You ask, brushing through the clumps and tangles.

"She's...fine I guess." Nick's voice slowly mumbled out.

"I'm sure she is, you been taking care of yourself?" Another stroke of your hairbrush.

"Y/n, I'm 19- almost 20 in three months. I live by myself- I'm fine. Stop treating me like a fuckinbaby." He grunted, typing more loudly this time, as you managed to get a few knots loose you noticed your hair was a bit greasy from all the humidity in your house. You frown.

"Mom taking care of you alright?" You ask, unnerved by his slight aggression, he once again fell silent, the silence making his head go light, "Uh-Yeah." He replied plainly, a few clicks from his mouse followed after. It stopped moments later, "Hey..." He calls out softly, endearing. You brush your hair once again, "Yeah?"

"You know Mom...cares about you, right?" He hesitated waiting for your response. Your movements paused and you only looked back at the phone, putting the brush back down carefully and placing your hands on your lap.

"I know- I know she fucked up but- without...him- it's only me and you and- I just thought- She really does love you-" 

"Nick, Please. Don't pull this shit again, we talked about this."

"Yeah but if you could j-"

"Nicholas." You repeat, the full name coming out more sternly, he gulped. "Yeah- sorry. I won't...sorry." You sigh, running a hand through your oily hair. "It's alright just- I gotta get going I have some...stuff to do." He seemed to have understood he had potentially fucked up yet another conversation with you, it was only so often you would pick up his calls. The last conversation you had was a month or two back. 

"Oh, okay- see ya. Take care of yourself. Bye..." He left off. You grabbed your phone and nodded. "Yeah, you too- stay safe." You finish off, Nick hummed a response before cutting the line. You toss the phone back onto the table. It was awkward and yeah you felt a bit guilty, but Nick had to understand you. You knew it was gonna take a while but one day he'll come to understand, you'll come home, one day. Just not now. That was a story for another time.

You had looked through missed messages, mainly from Anastasia, there were about 42, ranging from when she was wasted sending drunk texts, to hours later when she had sobered up asking where you had gone. You weren't in the mood to talk to her, after what had occured at the party, to the nightmare, and the phone call with your brother, you were flat out beat. Transitioning into doing more personal and self absorbed activities, you planned on cooking and binging a few shows and maybe if you were up for it- a drive outside in the winterous outdoors, but- for now brunch sounded mouth watering at the moment.

The rest of your day consisted in doing chores around your house, sweeping, mopping, dusting, rearranging items to make the house look less stuffy. You checked over response emails and replied to a few, as you did so, your eyes had fallen upon a particular one, from last night. The most recent email from Joji sent to you.

After having such a vivid nightmare you weren't sure if you could look him in the eye, thanking the scheduled times for having him check in on Fridays only lifted a subtle weight off your chest. 

You knew that it was all a nightmare, a fucked up one- but the words he said stuck with you. 

_"You keep mixing fiction with reality, you don't even know if this is real."_

"What the fuck does that mean, George?" You scowl under your tone. Watching the hot water spur out of the shower head as you stood there, listening to nothing but it hit the bathtub and your skin. You close your eyes, just trying to flush the shitty memory out of your brain. This was your day off- you just needed to stop thinking about work, clients, and over all- him.

Who was he besides your friend?

A client.

You needed to relax for a moment. You did just that.

Your day off soon ended as the next sun rised. You were back to slipping that black turtle neck top on and tucking it in your grey plaid pants, this time adding a golden necklace and black chained earrings with moon and stars dangling off of it. Applying the dark coat of violet lipstick and slipping on your beige coat, you were making your way back to what you could label your second home.

When you had arrived, the front desk seemed empty, in fact the whole lower floor was quite empty. _'Was anyone even coming in today? Where is everyone?'_ You thought to yourself, peeking your head around the corner. You went down the hall, still looking through the small built in windows where your staff friend were supposed to be. Suddenly, the door behind you had opened, out walked someone from the second floor you barely knew but still recognized. 

"Oh! Ruby!" You announced, the red haired girl peeped her eyes up to you, smiling kindly. "Ah, Y/n wasn't it?" "Yeah! I was wondering if you knew where everyone was?" You questioned only for her to glance back at her clipboard then back to you. "I believe everyone is doing those self exam forum things. I'm here to hand em out- did you just clock in?" She asked you, you nodded your head, "About a minute ago." "Great! Here take a forum, it'll take quite some time but I'll be here for a few hours- that way you can hand em in!" 

She began walking off, "I'll see you around?" She finished off, you peer back at her, "Yeah, for sure." you waltzed back into your office, skimming through the form whilst shutting the door with your foot. It was one of those basic summary of the past few months with staff and clients. Basic shit- nothing new. Rolling your eyes, you toss it onto the oak wood desk. Looking over at the paper hitting it made you suddenly flinch. The office that was once somewhat comforting made you feel slightly uneasy- but you had to remind yourself, _it wasn't real._

Slipping off your beige blazer you walked around the desk getting ready to work. _You pressed the back of your ballpoint pen, the pleasurable click from the pen..._

You place it down quickly. _It wasn't real._

You go over to grab a pencil instead, beginning to write away and fill out the familiar forum. 

Twenty minutes in you had gotten the first three out ten pages completed, faster than last time. You stretch, collapsing back onto the chair. "Finally, just...seven more to go and I'll be able to move on." You wishfully say to yourself, going back over to shuffle the messy papers back into the perfect pile. 

_Abruptly_ , _a_ _quiet knock hit against your office postern. You call out to the other person quietly, inviting them into the empty dull office room. The entrance creaks open, indicating that the hinges to the damn door hadn't been oiled in years. In the entrance way slipped in a tall figure..._

You remembered this feeling, almost like deja vu, heart beating anxiously to see who awaited on the other side of the door. You prayed it wasn't who you thought it was. It couldn't be today, not today, any other day but this one, you can't see him today. _'It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't-'_

"Special Delivery for uh, Y/n L/n?" 


	7. Missed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bolded and Italicized captions are lyrics from the song "Run" by Joji.
> 
> My writing slowly improves, please don't leave :,)
> 
> Enjoy! <3
> 
> This is quite a long chapter! Enjoy :)

_**> I know that I'm stuck in this misery, guess I'm not enough like you used to think.<** _

**. . .**

"Special Delivery for Y/n L/n?"

An older male called out to you, slipping through the door, with a box, wrapped in brightly cliche coloured Christmas wrapping paper. He walked over to you, "That's me- uh do you know who...sent this?" The delivery man checked the box before placing it on the office table. "Don't see a name any other name but yours." He shrugged, your eyes stared at the box, trying to think of who sent it.

 _'Nick?'_ You thought to yourself.

The delivery man tipped his hat and bid you farewell as he spun around to leave back to his delivery truck and go back to dropping off the rest of the packages. He left in a blink of an eye and you were left with the box. Pulling on one of your drawers and grabbing a scissor you went ahead and slit the sides carefully not wanting to make a mess of ripped of wrapping paper. What laid underneath the wrapping was a normal sized box, when you had gone ahead and cut the tape that sealed the top, you were presented by another bo, a bit smaller than the first one.

It was a cream colour of white and on the front in a fancy cursive font it read; _'Ms.Izzy and Mr.Edy's Toys and Craft Shop!'_ Reluctant at the already childish company, assuming that the package was addressed to the wrong area it was instantly shut down as you looked back onto the side of the first box. Your name and the Agency address on full display. This was no mistake, the package was for you.

Moving the first box out of the way, you began to dig your nails into the flaps of the box, finally being to open the box, you wasted no time to dig your hand into the small package only to have your fingertips come in contact with something soft and furry like. Wrapping your hand around it you pulled it out, your tired eyes meeting golden dud looking ones. Its brown fur and miniature body tugged at your heart. It was a small teddy bear, holding on a small present, it wore a Christmas hat as well. 

After staring at it for a good amount of time you realize it was the one that you saw on the display back in the Mall. It was missing something...

You dig your hand back into the box, finally catching a cube object. Pulling it out you found the missing puzzle piece. Stuffing the small teddy friend into the larger present bo, it stuck it's upper half, showing you the smaller box it had in its grasp. "A gift, for a gift..." You smile, looking back over to the packaging box and pile of untouched wrapping paper lying lazily on the ground. "From a gift." 

You were confused, who would have sent you this? How did they know that this was something you secretly wanted? You look back into the box, something must've been in here- a note, a postal code, a receipt, _something._ Under one of the flaps, you found a small envelope tapped underneath it. Pulling it off, you looked at the front, there wasn't anything written on it. You cut open, pulling up the flap of the envelope up to see a piece of paper, folding it open there typed up it read; 

_'The moon makes Snowy Nights shine brightly, I guess that's why Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year! Merry Christmas! :)"_

You roll your eyes and close the card with the sappy writing, tossing it back into the packaging box. You grabbed the rest of the wrapping paper, crumpling it into a ball and throwing it out in a nearby bin, clapping your hands clean you made your way back to the forum. 

"Seven more pages." You mumble to yourself, eyes trailing from the words written on the paper to the small teddy bear that sat at the far right of your desk staring back at you with its gleaming golden eyes. You give the bear a side smile, some of the stress and bitter feeling weighing off your back knowing that you had some sort of company to sit through the next few hours of your shift with you. "What should I name you?" You pander for a moment, eyes squinting to hyper focus. 

"Ben?...No."

"Daniel?" Your eyebrows sew together, you shake your head rejecting the option.

"Luke? Ah, that's not good either...you look like a..."

Then it hit you, the perfect name, fitting for a tiny stuffed animal like him.

"Tommy!" You looked over at the newly named bear smiling in content. Satisfied with the name.

"Quite a fitting name don't you think?" If Tommy were able to speak he probably would've nodded his head.

Hours passed and you had finally completed the forum, sending it over to Ruby who had come in minutes later to check up on you. She had noticed the small stuffed bear on your desk, Ruby eyed it curiously, "Cute bear, I don't believe I've seen it there before?" You handed her the pile of signed off and completed forums. "Yeah haha, I actually had it delivered to the office." She looked over to you, "You ordered it yourself?" Ruby questioned once again, your fingers tapped against the wood of the desk. You never enjoyed nosey people, especially people you didn't quite know. Your smile that was plastered on your face grew faker and you shook your head. 

"Nah, I had it- someone sent it to me _—_ " "Oh really? Who?" Ruby cut off. 

"Ruby-" "Oh wait! Don't tell me, was it your boyfriend?" Your lips twitch, vexed at her constant need to be invasive. "No- No Ruby it was just delivered to me and-" "Oh come on Y/n no need to keep secrets from me! Tell me who the lucky guy is!" 

_'I swear to god if she keeps this up I'll jab my fist right up her-'_

"Ruby! Sandra needs you!" Another voice breaks the thick tension between the two of you. At the door frame there stoof Anastasia in her white dress top tucked in with maroon slacks. Ruby turns over to greet her and grab the rest of her things before leaving. "Right away, thanks Anastasia!" "Yeah." She replied bitterly. 

When Ruby left, you managed let go of the built of air in your throat. Falling back into you office chair your run a hand through your hair and let your eyes flutter shut. "Thanks Ana, I didn't know how much longer I could take of-"

The sound of the door slamming made you jump frantically, you open your eyes looking to what had happened, Anastasia's jaw clenched and her steps were aggressive and she walked over to your desk, she slammed her hands onto the edges of your desk. 

The movement was sickenly recognizable.

"What the fuck, Y/n?" She seethed through her white teeth. 

"Wha _—_ "

"Don't play dumb, why haven't you been returning my calls? My texts? Bitch, I even emailed you." She began, eyes only dripping with fuming anger and hurt. You bit the inner of your cheek as you felt the slight shame and inner guilt gulp you up but at the same time you were quite offended on her actions, she was playing it off as if she hadn't done anything wrong.

"Ana. You lied. You said it was gonna be a small chill party and it was literally as if we were back in those College Frat Parties." You spat back, "Not to mention, I was sexually harassed by one of Angel's 'buddies'." Your words flew out all at once, you got up leaning over the desk to meet her eye level. "You were drunk. You left me on the sidelines to do- who fucking knows what? You expected me to be okay with it? To _not_ feel angry? To _not_ feel upset with you in the slightest?"

She fell quiet, realizing what had happened; it was her turn to feel guilty. 

"You can't just- pull shit like that and expect me to be okay with it, Anastasia! You know I don't do well at parties like those and on top of that having to deal with the fucker who wanted me to suck him off!" Your voice raised, booming off the floors and walls. You step back and fall onto your chair. "You promised as well." Your voice now lowering, "So, yeah that's why I didn't return the calls and texts." You finish off. 

Anastasia's head hung low, she leaned off the table and glanced at the floor. 

It was quiet for a while, both of you stayed there in hushed tones waiting for the other to speak. 

The more you thought about it, it wasn't her fault that Clay made those moves on you. She didn't have any control over that situation. She was drunk as well- but still, you were quite upset. 

"I'm sorry." She apologized, hands fumbling with each other. "I should've paid attention to the amount of people Ange invited and I shouldn't have drank so much. I'm sorry you had to deal with that guy. I was just upset and worried about you since you had left so suddenly and when I texted you- you didn't reply. And to see you in the Agency without even telling me you signed in like you usually do just got me all fired up." She lifted her head, "but still, I'm sorry." She finished off.

She awaited your response eagerly, you only gazed at the desk. 

"Are you still mad?" She asked, her voice going soft. You knew she's always been anxious about other's feelings towards her. With all the confidence there was always a breaking point. You sighed, shaking your head. "No, I'm not mad." You mumble out, you could see the relief fuse of her tense body.

"We're not high schoolers- I don't want this argument to get in between us, it happened and now that we got a chance to talk about it so- it's fine I guess." You respond plainly, she didn't seem quite satisfied with the answer though. "I'm still quite upset but, it'll wear off. Don't worry, alright?" You get up from the chair and walked over to her. Wrapping your arms around her. Hugging Anastasia tightly to make sure she understood. She was quick to hug you back. After some time you pulled away.

"What if I treated you to lunch on Friday? You can choose what we can eat." She negotiated, knowing your close friend there was no way of reassuring her until she did something herself that made her satisfied. You roll your eyes, a smile blooming on your face. "I would love to, but I have George scheduled in for a session. I might have to have lunch in my office, plus my lunch break has been cut short because of the new clients." You could see Anastasia frown as she unwrapped her arms from you and made her way to the couch.

"Awe, that sucks- thought you could use the lunch break _outside_ of this tiny office." You look around the office, looking at the familiar patterns and furniture placement burned in you brain for the past four years. Nothing's changed. "It's not that tiny...just a little...couped." "It's stuffy as hell- here, what about we plan something next week? I should have a day off on Saturday." Anastasia inquired, looking through her phone- possibly checking her schedule. You shake your head, walking over to the couch across from her. 

"That won't work- you and I work different roles, you're a secretary and I'm a therapist. You're free to leave whenever and someone can cover for you-" "Ah- see that's where you're wrong." She cut off. You perked an eyebrow, "Huh?" "I can get you out, Sandra doesn't need to know the exact reason." "Ana..." "I can make up some crazy story- and since she knows you and I are close friends she'll have to let you go for a day." "I mean, it makes sense? But who will cover for me?" 

"It's fine we have Ruby. I can just ask her to cover for you." Anastasia replied, typing away on her phone.

You went to object but your words were muted. You didn't mind the idea of Ruby taking over, as long as you don't have to come in communication contact with her- you would be fine. 

"Oh, okay that- actually sounds like a good plan." You affirm, watching as she does her playful smirk, "I know it is. Now-" She began, walking up to you showing the screen of her phone. "Time Square is our best option and I think treating you out would be quite fun and we have a good options for cafes." "Sure, just text me on the day and I'll be ready to leave."

"Sounds great, I'll see you around then?" Anastasia jumped off the couch and skipped over to the door, you nod your head, "For sure." Waving goodbye watching as she swiftly left the office leaving you alone once again. You laid back, another tired breath leaving your exasperated lips.

You slipped out your phone from your pocket, checking emails and any social media apps you checked the date for the planned hang out with Anastasia, noticing that today was Tuesday, and your next few days of work might be either slow or packed with clients and file work. You crane your neck to the side- earning a pleasurable crack feeling the cramped up muscles loosen up slightly, you proceeded to roll your shoulders out. 

You began to go back to your desk, ready to work for the next few hours and preparing for the next few days until Saturday came it's way around.

As you typed away you began scrolling through past emails you came across the ones between you and George.

Your heart stammered loudly in your chest and your throat stiffened. It was a good night, maybe up in your favourite Christmas nights, but you were once again recalling the stupid nightmare from this morning, it was so inaccurate and irrational-it was almost humorous; laughable. You didn't feel as nervous meeting George as you did a couple of hours ago, you knew that if George was crazy in some sort of way you would've figured that out.

But he was normal.

A normal average guy.

A normal average guy looking for some professional help and advice on his life and mental health.

A normal Client of yours.

A Client of yours.

A _Client._

_Now why would you be scared of your own Client? That's ludicrous of you._ To think that George Miller would ever act so menacingly towards you. It was clearly your delusions and brain getting the best of you. _It wasn't real._

You shake your head, growing frustrated with the ame sinking fear of nothing. You exit out of the emails and go over to type back to a few Clients who were asking for reschedules on their appointments or asking to come in on days they usually wouldn't.

Moments later, your phone vibrated, looking over to it the screen illuminated the quite dim extent. A message glowed on your lockscreen, clear as ever. You tap the notification unlocking your phone in one go. Eyes skimming over the text message.

_'Hey! It's George :) Hope you enjoyed the little gift I got you. I know yesterday wasn't the best Christmas for you but I remember you were staring at the little stuffed bears at the mall. Thought you wanted one :))'_

You felt your heart tug back into your stomach. _'He didn't have to do that...'_ You eyes shifted over to the small stuffed animal. _'but he did.'_

You were conflicted between feeling grateful or relieved. On one hand you were thankful for him going out to make you feel better about what you had vented to him for hours on end about, but on the other hand some small part in your head was finally convinced that George would never act that way. You should've known that.

You grin, happy with the outcome and the final thoughts you texted him back.

_'Thank you George! It means a lot for you to go through all of that trouble, I love the little bear a bunch :) Thank you! I hope to see you for our next appointment on Friday.'_

You placed your phone back down and went back to work, typing away, in the back of your head waiting for a response from him that never came. You brushed it off though, he was an adult after all.

Days passed and it had finally come to Friday.

You waited.

Waited for George.

Yet, he never showed up.

At first you presumed it was merely because he was running late but after thirty to forty minutes of waiting you came to the realization that it wasn't the case. 

You sat there with your clipboard in hand, looking and reading through other past sessions with other patients and clients, eyes skimming through the same notes you've read for the billionth time. This was getting frustrating, _'Did he ditch?'_ The thought floating in your head for a while, but you scoff. "No, there's no way he would." You were quick to mumble to yourself.

Deciding to type him up a email reminding him of the session you had noticed you done that twenty five minutes ago, _'maybe a quick text?'_ You turn on your phone and tap over to imessages only to see you had sent one ten minutes ago. Did you sound invasive? Was it annoying? You worry, 

Suddenly, the idea of calling him sounded like it would be a good idea.

Although, you were hesitant. Calling him was quite a bold move- he could be recording, working on music, writing lyrics, and maybe the most smallest of distractions could ruin his whole train of thought and possibly his mood.

Then again, this was a professional reasoning and not calling him or informing him that he missed a session would be irresponsible of you. You pressed the contact number and held the phone up to your ear, hearing the ring slowly vibrate the side of your head. 

You stand by patiently waiting for him to pick up, eyes conveying to every square inch of the room your worked in. One ring, you taped your foot, two rings, you ponder, three rings, still waiting, and finally the fourth ring.

It was cut short, your ears fill with the robotic sound of the automated voice mail.

_"Wake up." it said._

Your face scrunches, morphing into confusion.

"Huh?" Peeling the phone off your ear put it on speaker. _'Weird.'_

"The person you are trying to contact is currently unavailable. Please leave your name and number after the tone-" _'Shit- Wait I didn't think of what I wanted to say-'_

The beep from your cell phone soon followed after, "Uh- Hi." You begin sheepishly mentally face palming at the small voice crack as you greeted him. "This is, Y/n. I wanted to inform you that- you uh, missed a session today. I emailed you and...texted you about it as well- but I don't know if you saw it. If you did..." You glance at the clock seeing it was 10:40 am. Your bottom lip tugs under your top teeth. "Just, give me a shout. Also, thank you for the gift." You finish off, tapping on the end call button watching the screen go to your home screen, and then dark. 

You fell back onto the couch, listening to the faint clock ticking in the background, the city light shined in the once again unlit room. Turning your head over to see the minimal view passed the maroon blinds on your windows to see the street light post lamps glowing their white and or orange hue. The thought of needing more soft glowing in your office floated in the back of your head.

You seemed to like the dark office and street lamps from outside shining in better.

The placid mood was soon erased and replaced with an unsettling feeling, you frown. Joji usually never skips, he was keeping a good schedule routine for the passed few weeks for a while actually. It was weird but also understandable why he might've skipped a session.

He's a singer of course.

You shake your head, you promised yourself not to think about George. It sounded so neurotic. 

The door opened before you could even comprehend the knock. The room filled with the bright light from the hallway, you squint the moment the light switches were turned on.

"Ah, what the-"

"Christ, it's dark. What are you doing in a room like this, L/n?" The sour salty tone you knew so well called out to you, you turn back to Sandra who sat there with a few packaged papers in hand. You sigh.

"I'm sorry Ms, the client I was waiting for missed a session. I was just-"

"No matter, here- take care of these and have them done by Monday night." She walked in and handed you the piles of paperwork. This almost felt like deja vu. "Keep the lights on or you won't be able to get any work done." She nagged, shutting the door quite loudly. You let out a huff. You tossed it onto the coffee table and collapse back into the couch, running your hands over your face and brushing your hair back. 

Sitting in this office was getting on your nerves- especially with nothing but paperwork for the next few hours. 

You went home that night on a long call with Anastasia, listening to her babble on about her day and how work had went. It later segwayed into the plans for tomorrow which came by quite fast. You were currently in the kitchen preparing yourself dinner as the faint noises from the television got muffled by Anastasia's voice reading menus and shops. She questioned if you were down to go to the Mall, although you had gone just a few days ago with George, it wouldn't hurt to go again with Anastasia. 

You agreed, nothing much to do, plus it was her treat.

She began looking into stores she could get you into, telling you about the clothing lines and sales going on at stores she favoured as well.

You grabbed a fork, piercing the meat with the steel utensil and shoving it into your mouth, scooping up some vegetables and also munching on the soft boiled pieces of broccoli, carrots, and potatoes. 

Another hour passed and you were in bed, laying the phone beside you as you listened to your close friend rant on whatever came to mind, you didn't mind, it brought you back to your younger days when you would stay up with your friends and talk the night away- or when you and Nick would talk about his favorite video games and shows. 

"How's George?" She asked out of the blue, you were shot back into reality of the call, you hadn't noticed you zoned out for a while. You look over the wall across the bed side. "Why do you ask?" You responded, hearing her pour her coffee into a mug. "Merely curious." She replied, you knew she wanted to know more, you roll your eyes.

"Uhuh, sure." You roll on your back, now staring at the ceiling- counting the little bumps on the egg shell coloured vault.

"Come onnn, give me some details." She begged taking a long sip from her drink. 

You grabbed your phone going over to check the time but when you had unlocked it, your imessage list was on full display, under Anastasia's contact sat George's. You tapped it, checking if he had replied, but you feel a slight frown twitch at your lips. Under your message from hours ago said;

_'Read at 3:58pm'_

Perplexed, you held the phone tighter. _'He didn't respond?'_ You exit out the app, hearing Anastasia call for you. _'I mean I get he's a busy guy, but a quick reply wouldn't have hurt him.'_

"Y/nnnn?" You hear Anastasia call out, "Hey _—_ ah sorry, can we talk about it tomorrow?"

"What why?!" She whined, you could hear her kick her feet around. "I'm just really beat up from work and, I didn't get much sleep or rest...Plus, we're seeing each other tomorrow right? Won't it sound better to hear it face to face, rather than a call or something?" Your attempt at negotiating seemed to work wonders on Ana, she hummed, "I suppose you're right. Fine then, tomorrow- but don't forget." The ebony female huffed, you roll your eyes once again- anymore and they would get stuck at the back of your head. 

"Sure thing Ana, night."

"Night Y/n!" 

You hang up, tossing your phone on the other side of your bed. You turn in your bed, laying on your stomach as your arms were tucked under the pillow, the warm blanket once again hugging at your quite cold body. 

Although it did bother you a bit that George hadn't replied, you assumed it was for a reason that he could explain when you see him next Friday or even the next couple of days through emails or texts. By the end of the day, you expected a reply- friendship or not, this was your job and having a Client skip days without telling you can only add stress and worry to you and jeopardize the Client's chances of actually keeping the Therapist and sessions from continuing.

You didn't want George to have to stop getting help, you were learning so much about him. 

Your eyes shut, _'Surely he has his reasons. I just need to be patient.'_

You fell asleep that night quite quickly, waiting for a response that never made its way to you.

**_< So I'll just run.>_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting for this chapter! I know it took some time for it to come out so I'm grateful for the patience from all of you :) 
> 
> I ask again if you guys want to know how chapters are doing and when the next one is coming out, please follow my Wattpad (TheAgust_D)! I've been updating quite a lot there on upcoming chapters!
> 
> Also, originally I had the plan to have Dangerous Thoughts done by Valentine's Day (in irony of the tags below this fanfic) but the next three or four chapters will be very long and will indeed take a long time to write and have done. I hope you guys are okay with that!
> 
> Once again, thank you for all the support! I love you all! Stay safe, you are loved <3


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